The Rules Girl

Milky Way - An Analogy

2011-10-11T12:56:00.000-07:00

I middle school I used to eat a Milky Way candy bars almost everyday at lunch time (fast metabolism then). Then, I got over the Milky Way because I needed a lil' somethin' more. So, I picked up a Snickers and thought yum this is good. However, they always made me sick (both Milky Ways and Snickers). I enjoyed them, but they weren't good for me no matter how delicious they tasted. As I sat and pondered my past with fun size candy, an analogy came to mind.

I have some allergies that I now realize are the reason why Milky Way and Snickers made me sick. However, I didn't know it at the time. THIS, is just like men/relationships. For example, I used to really like Milky Ways and thought that the caramely nougat combo (insert ex-bf's characteristics here) were exactly what I needed and wanted in a man. But then, over time, I realized there was something more I wanted. So I added a few extra ingredients (different batch of characteristics) and moved on to the Snickers. The Snickers was delicious and so good, but just not quite what I needed because even though it tasted good, I was always sick (things just weren't working out).

Through this experience (and knowing my allergies) I learned what is good for me and what I want.

I've realized that finding the "Right Man" can't just be about the glamorous caramel and nougat deliciousness. Instead, it must be good FOR me. So... now that I know my allergies, I know that I need a Mr. Goodbar. He doesn't have any of the lil guys in him that make me sick.

Catching my chocolatey smelling aroma filled drift?

Sometimes you can eat great candy bars (date really awesome delicious men) but the fit just isn't right according to the alignment of the stars. And that's ok.

Be ok with what's good and right for you.

Eat a Mr. Goodbar.

XOXO

Rules Girl

Rules Girl of the week... football kicker AND homecoming queen!

2011-10-03T09:58:00.000-07:00

PINCKNEY, Mich. (WJBK) - She's the first girl to kick on Pinckney's varsity football team. On Friday night, Brianna Amat kicked a 31-yard game-winning field goal and was crowned homecoming queen on the same night.

Read the whole story here:

http://www.myfoxdetroit.com/dpp/news/ron_savage/%22kicking-queen%22-hits-31-yard-field-goal

Go girl.

XOXO

Rules Girl

Do you get a kick out of them?

2011-09-30T12:57:00.000-07:00

Of course I'm not talking about a domestic abuse dispute, that's awful.

I mean, do they make you giggle, chuckle, LOL? They don't have to be funny per se, but do you find yourself happy and laughing often around them because THEY are funny. It's healthy. You should think the things they do or say are cute enough to giggle about. You SHOULD get a kick out of them.

So... go get a kick.

These are my favorite versions of "I get a kick out you"

This one is slower and more romantical for that special someone and some candlelight...

This one's more upbeat. Dance cheek to cheek to this one.

well he's getting a kick outta somethin'...

xoxo

Rules Girl

Shout out to Anonymous!

2011-09-29T11:18:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to give a shout out to Anonymous for her amazing comment. So that all of you can see, I made it into a post itself:

Comment In response to blog: Desperado. PLEASE come to your senses.

"So true!! Wish I'd had a friend tell me this about 6 years ago when I was wasting YEARS with a guy who was a chauvinistic jerk; emotionally abusive, jealous, manipulative, the whole bit.
Why did I do it? I HAVE NO IDEA! But you mentioned having a relationship just to HAVE a relationship... and that sadly seems to be hitting the nail on the head. It smarts, but I now think that may have been it. Hindsight, oi.
I hope that a lot of girls read your post and save themselves the frustration, wasted time, and yes, the wrinkles. :)
My dating story ended VERY happily with a wonderful man, but I don't think that is usually the case, and my heart aches for those less lucky."

Thanks Anonymous - us RG's appreciate your support and comments.
Don't be desperado. Don't just want a relationship just to have one. Get your mind off the man, and start improving yourself and loving your life.
It'll be amazing how he just appears after you do.

XOXO

Rules Girl

Saudi Arabia: women the right to vote

2011-09-27T16:11:00.000-07:00

"Saudi Arabia is perhaps the most sex-segregated place on earth, a country where women can do little without a male chaperon and are not allowed to drive." - TIME

Credit for photo and story to: TIME Read more: http://globalspin.blogs.time.com/2011/09/26/saudi-women-get-the-vote-but-real-power-is-elusive/#ixzz1ZBJAAOBn

I'm hoping this is a step forward for women in Saudi Arabia. Saudi is of special interest to me because my cousins lived there as kids. My Aunt expressed the hardships of living there with two small children, especially having a blond, blue-eyed little girl. I watch for their success in furthering the rights of women and hope that the MEN can do THEIR part in helping make this change possible. I post this to Rules Girl because we are all in this together as women around the world.

XOXO

Rules Girl

Desperado. PLEASE come to your senses.

2011-09-27T10:05:00.000-07:00

Desperado.
Please come to your senses http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BwOXlGbW6Q

because you're driving me crazy.

Ever had a friend that was treating herself (yes herself) poorly by dating the same guy over and over and over and over even though he isn't great to her and she's not even that wonderful to him? bleck, how frustrating. So what do you do when this is YOUR friend? You don't want to sever your relationship between you and her, but she also needs to know she's being outrageous and ridiculous. Now, I'm not saying that your friend is just wondering if she likes him and trying to work it all out, I mean she's drama and he's even MORE drama. They break up, get back together, break up, get back together, cheat on each other, break up, get back together and then cheat again. It's toxic. It's nauseating, it's disgusting. THIS is not what relationships are for (just to HAVE). Relationships are supposed to make you happy, giggle, smile, laugh, dance when nobody is looking, and cry because you're so full of gratitude for your life and the people in it.

If this is you, or you have a friend in this type of toxic relationship, be honest with THEM or be honest with yourself. If you address this to your friend, then be kind when you do it and remind them that it's their life and you're not trying to tell them what to do, but instead the next time they are crying on your shoulder about the same ole same ole toxicity... you can bring up, maybe it would be hard to break up, but better in the long. Maybe tell her that she doesn't want to gain all her wrinkles too fast.

She doesn't want to be this Barbie (thanks to Ingrid Michaelson for posting) ------>

She wants to be the pretty, beautiful (inside and out), no baggage, no wrinkles at age 24 barbie...

Try and hint to your friend, that she shouldn't be desperate for a relationship. It's not about being IN a relationship, about the person you're in it with.

Good luck. If you have a friend like this, maybe give her a link to The Rules Girl. She can turn over a new leaf, like a lot of us have.

XOXO

Rules Girl

New Girl

2011-09-22T16:00:00.000-07:00

Anyone else obsessed with Zooey? I sure am. I like her because I can relate to her FAR more than most actresses. Not that I'm a brunette blue-eyed indie beauty by any means, I'm just saying that I feel like I connect with her because in almost everything she does she plays the normal funky girl. Like, in the New Girl on Fox. I don't meant to just give New Girl the free publicity, but then again I do. BECAUSE the more people who watch it, the longer it stays on. I just hope it doesn't get too adult for my naive happy rainbow taste. We'll see...

I relate to this one the most. Don't you?

I love her character beccause she's so true to herself. I want to BE that. I hope I am that.

What are YOUR fav shows? Do share.

XOXO

Rules Girl

2 Things

2011-09-22T09:56:00.000-07:00

ONE:

My friend posted this and I couldn't stop laughing. -->
For those of you who have read or seen Twilight, and are a fan like me (I'm not afraid to proclaim it, but don't have the "I drive like a Cullen" bumper sticker, just the "team ____" water bottle. shhhh) Anyhoodles. Maybe we SHOULD keep this in mind. Where is the line between creeper and we love it? Here are a few common sense ideas:

A. Don't find love on Craigslist. (craigslist killer is enough for me).

B. If he tells you he's been watching you through a window consistently without your knowledge. Bag it. Not in the good bag, the bad non-recyclable bag.

C. If multiple people have told you he's creepy... hmmmmm

TWO:

Just wanted to remind some of you it's ok to hurt sometimes. Just keep yourself in check. Let yourself listen to a sad song or two, cry, and then get back on your feet. This is a good song for that sort of thing.

XOXO

Rules Gril

I'm practicing

2011-09-21T09:41:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to teach myself, while in this dating game, how to be an awesome significant other. I've decided to start by treating my friends and family really well. Here are some things I'm trying to implement/change/do... to help myself be a better... sig oth. (That's totes the perf new phrase for significant other.)

1. Get dressed and put on some makeup. It sucks I know, I like to be free as well. Look your best as often as possible. This is a habit I'm trying to break. I have the tendency to wear sweats... always. But future mister will love you in your sweats, but he'll also love to see you dolled up tooooooooooo.

2. Name-calling. Calling people names isn't nice. I don't care if you think "dork" "crazy" "outrageous" "nerd" etc etc etc are terms of endearment. What the person receiving such false terms of endearment hears is, "I totally think you're immature or stupid, but I love you anyway"... if that's the message you're TRYING to communicate, then by all means tally-ho. Otherwise, we all might want to improve. I have the tendency to be really mean and say, "you're annoying" when the person really is annoying me, but I really do love them a million bajillion. I'm trying to improve, I really am.

3. Getting upset over the little things. Just try and be cool. If you do get mad, or are STILL mad. Kiss or hug them anyway. It helps make it go away.

4. Talk instead of text, email, Facebook while they're speaking to you. HAVE a relationship. Use alone time for social media.

this pic is extremely disturbing... please don't let it be you...

5. You like alone time. Me too, but BE with the people you love. They don't know you love them unless you do.

6. Stop taking everything so seriously. Sometimes we joke about things and our friends are way too serious about it. Don't be that friend, girlfriend, or significant other. Go with it unless it NEEDS to be serious.

(side note: When you're too serious about dating then you start getting wrinkly like an old hag and the cats start moving in unannounced. This will help you in love because... who wants an old hag?)

7. Be your dorky self. But don't force dork.

Those are just a few... hopefully they're the small things that will make me more fun to be around.

XOXOXOXOOX

Rules Girl

Girl words

2011-09-20T14:44:00.000-07:00

I got this via email thanks to you know who you are and thought you might get a kick out of it.

Nine Words women use

aka: Man's guide to communicating with female.

(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. (2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. (4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! (5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.) (6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. (7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'.. That will bring on a 'whatever'). (8) Whatever : Is a woman's way of saying...Go to %@#&^!... (9) Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

What do you think? use these?

XOXO

Rules Girl

Sorry to whoever wrote it, I would give you credit but I don't know who you are!

LETTER time! ..... What is it with men?

2011-09-15T13:28:00.000-07:00

Rules Girl,

What is the deal with men? I'm following the rules... Rules for online dating... and hopefully will get the opportunity to follow the rest of the rules once I meet a guy. I have a short and breezy online Match profile, one flattering picture and I am getting some replies. They ask for my number and I comply, they call and ask me out during a short pleasant conversation, we agree on a date in the future (without too much difficulty) and then nothing.... He doesn't call, text, email or anything... ARGH! Of course I am not contacting them to verify or finalize the details. If they want to go out they will make the plan right? They will follow up right? What is going on here? This is the 3rd time with three different guys!

-With big hugs,

-Izzy

Dear Izzy,

Thank you so much for your letter and Girl, we understand your pain! But keep hangin' in there! This is a reminder for all of us to JUST KEEP HANGIN' IN THERE! Don't give up. Because don't forget: You don't want to date a guy who doesn't want you! AND you don't want a guy that won't be good to you or for you in the future. Keep your head on straight. Also, you have to understand men, and keep this in mind while going through this whole dating game process: Men will forever be the hunters. They want to find you, seek you out, etc etc. So just keep hangin' in there because you want to find a REAL man that actually WANTS to be with you, not just finding a guy just to have one. Instead of trying so hard, maybe just take it easy and be yourself? Maybe instead of seeking online find a different route to find new friends and future lovers. Are you a part of any groups? Like to paint, play sports, etc? Try and join something where you can find and meet new people and keep on playin by the rules.

XOXO

Rules Girl

Should I text him?

2011-09-12T10:39:00.000-07:00

This is amazing! It's a flow chart to help you decide whether you should text him or not.
Just thought I'd share it and give Becca credit. You can read/follow her blog here: http://www.beccaclason.com/#1751547/Should-I-Text-Him-Flowchart
Fab idea.
Remember: Let him initiate.
YOU, reciprocate.
Gotta play the game, whether you like it or not.

XOXO

Man of the Week. He's DAHLing

2011-09-08T15:30:00.000-07:00

Man of the Week: (drum roll please) brddrrrrdrrrdrdrrrrrdrd (that's my try at the Onomatopoeia for a drum roll)

Roald Dahl.

Why?

Well, it started with my bonding experience with a 4th grade boy today at Barnes & Noble over Dahl's amazing works...Which then led me looking up a picture of him and so forth. Roald Dahl and others like him are fab examples to us Rules Girls of living our life, and not sitting around waiting for life to live for us.

I like him too because he's eccentric looking. He has crazy eyes and peaceful eyes all at the same time.

Some of his fantastical books:
Matilda
The BFG
The Twits (my favorite)
James & the Giant Peace (another favorite)
Charlie & the Chocolate Factory
etc, etc, etc.
He was creative and funky and I DIG it.
I mean hey, who doesn't want a man with a British accent?

See! Look how cool his thinking room was! Let's be like him, or at least try and find dudes to date like him.

All in favor of us looking for our own future Roald Dahl's to love, say aye.

XOXO

Rules Girl

One of many.

2011-09-07T15:35:00.000-07:00

I think I've blogged about this in the past, but I have been pondering upon it recently because of a movie I recently saw. So let's discuss.

Dear Man with List,

(List meaning multiple women man is taking on casual dates)

Even though you may be interested in multiple women...when you ask one out, at least pretend she's the only one. Just like how guys have an ego, women are vain. It's true. Deep down in our innards, we like to be loved, cherished, and feel as if we are the only girl on your mind and let's be honest, in the world. So at LEAST pretend when you ask us out that you know what day you scheduled me for (or didn't schedule me for).

We don't want to feel like we are on this...

Women want to be one IN a million. Not one OF a million. Silly boys.

Oh, and we know you're asking out her and her and her and her... so maybe spread them out a tad or at least date outside the given circle??? Just a suggestion...what's the rush?

Overall, as a Rules Girl, I tend to stray away from fellows with a list of hunnies. Why? Because sometimes it leads to: trying too hard, competing with other women, and wasting my time. However,it can be possible to date a list-man without breaking the rules, just keep your cool, and don't lose yourself or your self-confidence in the process.

I'm not suggesting this should always be avoided, I'm just suggesting that the men need to step it up a tad. Be a MAN and make us FEEL like a woman.

XOXO

Rules Girl

Pot Stirrer - stir stir stir bye bye bye

2011-09-02T09:55:00.001-07:00

I wish that guys who DO live to stir the pot WOULD just wear these shirts so I can run for the hills as soon as they come near.

Maybe they are bored?
They're actually just insecure and proving to themselves that you still like him because he CAN get you feeling an emotion, even if it's annoyance and frustration.
Either way, a pot stirrer creates instant drama out of nothing. Oh man, and to I mean nothing. I think pot stirrers don't understand that drama is a very unattractive quality to posses after age 17 and continue to stir stir stir until you finally say bye bye bye.

great song.

We've been there. We have experienced those relationships where the person who's supposed to be your lover is being a hater. TRYING to make you mad.
Love is supposed to be the opposite.
That's what pot stirrers have it all wrong and are yet to find 'success'
Continually picking fights and stirring the stinkin' pot tells a person: This relationship is going to be work. hmmmm Well guess what, I don't like my pots stirred. I just like it to simmer all nice and neat while I get the poached egg ready for boilin'.

So let's play nice so we can have our egg and eat it too. Plus, you're exhausting. Nobody wants exhausting, they want to feel like they can relax and be themselves around you, not like they just ran a bloomin' marathon.

Yea...
Just relax pot stirrer, because when you turn up the heat too high and stir too crazy, the water spills out you get burned.
As you pot stirrers very well know.

XOXO
Rules Girl

I'm a visionary.

2011-09-01T09:45:00.000-07:00

I had the weirdest dream last night.

Vivid.
There was even that movie film fog and dark green grass and trees in the picture. I was both myself (in-body) and looking at myself as an omnipotent watcher. It was like this, with trees, and me and him.

In the dream, somehow a friendship with a long ago love was rekindled. I feel AMAZING in the dream. Bliss being with him. Perfection. Then I look at him with googly eyes and he knows I still love him. Then he says, "this can't be anything." Ouch.

Dream ends.

I woke up HURTING. All day I've felt as if it was the day after the real falling apart of this relationship took place years ago when I was numb and damaged.
However, happy side of all this is that it eventually led me to becoming The Rules Girl. I decided that I wasn't going to chase and force the wrong relationship. I decided that I deserved the best, and wouldn't beg for it, but would wait for it to come to me. Calmly, and confidently. I decided to be happy.
So, all day I've been thinking about the dream because I have no idea why he popped into my head. I can't help but ask myself...Am I a visionary? Is something coming that I needed reminding to keep my head on straight?
Yikes or Yay?
Hold on to your seat, because who knows what's coming.

Dreams are so weird. Any ideas on what it means?

XOXO
Rules Girl

I wasn't invited. I'm offended.

2011-09-01T09:15:00.000-07:00

Who knew!?!?

Barbie and Ken tied the knot. See photos of their wedding here: Glamour
It's actually amazing!!

I understand it was a small wedding, but Barbie... you're a Rules Girl too! What's the deal!?!?

XOXO
Rules Girl

Best Dressed of the Week according to Teen Vogue

2011-08-31T11:08:00.000-07:00

See the full Article Here

Who's on the list?
Kate Middleton - duh. Love her, so classy and fab.
Anne Hathaway - I wouldn't normally add her to this list, but I feel ok about her sporting the white blazer with gathered sleeves.
Alexa Vega - no feelings about the outfit whatsoever which probably means it shouldn't be in the top 10
Harley Viera-Newton - hmm
Jessie J - she's crazy. It works for her
Kendall Kardashian - all I kept thinking was, she's so dang skinny.
etc.

See for yourself... and then tell us what you think...
xoxo
Rules Girl

Morning Elegance

2011-08-30T09:42:00.000-07:00

Rules Girls are Dreamers.

Dream Big. Work Hard.
Get it.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Meow

2011-08-29T10:17:00.000-07:00

Rule: No Cats allowed.
I'm over it. I've had enough of the petty and catty, even of myself. Today is a new day and turning over a really pretty new leaf. Rules Girls are lovers in all sense of the word. So instead of making other people feel stupid or un-loved. WE LOVE. HARD. This includes people we love, like, loake, and even don't love, like, or loake.

The smirks to your friends, eye-rolls, and petty/catty comments are seen and heard. Not just by you and your negative friend, but by all of us and when you hurt people, guess what it isn't cool. This isn't 7th grade anymore. Cool kids went out the window the second we graduated 3rd grade. So here's to a new leaf, both you AND me! No more cats.
Well, this one's really really cute.

BUT Your cattiness... NOT so much.

No Cats allowed. Lovers only.
XOXO
Rules Girl

Rule #00.002365

2011-07-27T10:55:00.000-07:00

Rule #:00.002365
yep, it's a really important rule so it's not even 1, it's less than one, making it uber important. What is it? edge of your seat?
ok drum rollllllllllllllllllll
Rule # 00.002365 is...
EAT.

ok, don't get too carried away. Be balanced...but c'mon, you gotta eat!
Yep, one of the most important rules in Rules Girl World is eating. We don't do eating disorders around here. Why? Well, A. duh. B. The whole point of being a Rules Girl is that we like ourselves and want to be the best version of whoever that may be. C. Boys like girls with a lil' meat on 'em.

So moral of the story, and post of course...

Eat, it makes you happy, your skin glow, and boys like you more.

XOXO
Rules Girl

We Care

2011-06-17T11:55:00.000-07:00

Did any of you ever watch Care Bears as kids? Did you ever see the "Care Bear Movies"? Well, we loved them in my all-girl household and the best part of the movie was at the end when the care bears would stand in a line and shoot "Care" from their tummies. ORRrrrrrrrrrr when the care bears would all stand in a circle around a bad guy or gal and chant " we care, we care, we care" at the bad person and the person would all of a sudden have love.

Welp, Rules Girls are Care Bears. We care about... SOMETHING, ANYTHING, SOMEONE! Don't live a dreary life with no cares in the world, be passionate about something. This post was inspired by my concern for those in China suffering from massive flooding. I just wish I could shoot "care" from my tummy to ease their cares and burdens. Since I can't, I'm going to donate to a humanitarian fund, pray for them, and make YOU aware of their suffering.

Click here to see photos

Care.

About something. Anything.

You choose.

XOXO

Rules Girl

How to Ask a Girl Out...

2011-06-15T14:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Mister,

This is for you.

How to: Ask a girl out.

Step #1. Be a MAN! (be confident) - how do you should confidence? Voice projection. Don't be a whimpy speaker. One male dating coach even said he'd never had someone come to him for advice on dating, that didn't have a projection problem.

So speak up.

What girl wants a whimpy man?

You might not even be whimpy, but you seem like it when you speak all... ya know... whimpy-like. We don't need yet again, another movie called "Diary of a Whimpy Kid" of which you are the star.

So be confident and speak up. Remember this is a need for balance though. Don't be obnoxious, because it's...obnoxious.

XOXO

Rules Girl

We are Fire & Gasoline

2011-06-08T20:12:00.000-07:00

Ever dated or loved someone that you felt this way about. You loved their guts out, but you were fire and they were gasoline. You just are NOT good for each other. Sometimes you have serious chemistry, just like fire and gasoline, but the outcome of that chemistry equation just ends up in a no-good explosion. Yes, I'm talking... nuclear.

I've decided the reason why we sometimes love people we shouldn't be with is to teach us something. Life, God, the Galaxy... whoever or whatever it is you believe in, is just teaching you something about life and relationships. So take what you've learned and your love for that person and keep on going. Find someone else you have chemistry with, but that the chemical equation forms something a little safer for you both.

XOXO

Rules Girl

Tricking Yourself

2011-06-07T23:08:00.000-07:00

"You should just trick yourself into liking them until you do, because they're good for you. Usually the ones that aren't good for you... you have amazing chemistry with."

I found myself nodding in agreement with this statement when I heard it, in shock that I would actually agree. But I don't agree, I think it's appalling and was disgusted with myself for the brief moment that I agreed with it. Chemistry isn't a magic trick you can conjure up with self deceit. It's real and it's natural. It's not mimicked.

You should never have to trick yourself into liking, dating, loving, marrying, etc etc etc with anyone. Rules Girls especially have enough self confidence and respect for both themselves and others that they don't like to themselves about their feelings.

Honestly, it's a lot harder to be honest with yourself and others than it is to hide, trick, or lie to them. But you have to be true to yourself.

You deserve someone you feel the chemistry with.

You do. Just keep hangin' on. They'll come along. In the meantime - do yo thang.

XOXO

Rules Girl

The Art of Pretending

2011-05-31T11:35:00.000-07:00

You have probably learned how to pretend to impress a guy...

WELL UNLEARN IT. You might even deny you do it, but a lot of us do...

You don't need to mention all the countries you've been in... all the cool jobs you've done and all the adventurous excursions you've been in all in one sentence. Take a breath, relax... Just because there is a male nearby, and one that is slightly attractive, doesn't mean a girl needs to outpour all of her accomplishments in one setting. Let them learn about you as they will and at a natural pace.

You don't need to mention things you think they'll like because you think it will help them like you. Honestly, they'll like you if they like YOU... not like you because you like them.

Stop overemphasizing.

Stop mentioning the things you think he would like.

Stop not being yourself.

Just relax and go with it, because guys notice when you're pretending or ACTING a little too much.

A lot of girls AND guys do this. Talk about a certain sport because "guys like it" or talk about how in shape they are, where they've been etc etc etc. But you don't have to like all the same things to like each other. Boys will be boys and girls will be girls.

Be a girl... and whatever that means to you.

If you like basketball, like it... but do you have to mention it awkwardly right off the bat? If you like pokemon, antiques, hair, British lit, traveling, romantic comedies, football, broadway, politics, shooting ranges, dirt biking, etc etc. Like it. Like yourself and be yourself and he's far more likely to like you back.

XOXO

Rules Girl

Headstrong

2011-05-26T15:57:00.000-07:00

Rules Girls have a mind of their own.

Yea yea, sometimes it sucks to completely disagree with a fella' you're interested in, but have a brain! Rules Girls have a mind of their own. They're also quite headstrong. When you have an opinion and you truly believe it, stick with it. Of course you need to be open-minded, but if you weren't headstrong about anything you wouldn't possess any conviction. Don't be brainless, be headstrong. And FIGHT for what it is you believe in.

One of the greatest Rules Girls of ALL TIME was Maureen O'Hara. Oh Maureen, she was sassy and headstrong as any... and she acted with John Wayne (played his wife in a variety of movies). Now if a girl like Maureen O'Hara can be headstrong and stick with him... I think that's evidence enough.

Be Headstrong & Be a Fighter. Here's Maureen O'Hara fighting in a classic scene in McLintock! It's hilarious!!

XOXO

Rules Girl

The Royal Wedding.

2011-04-29T12:22:00.000-07:00

I know I know, you can watch on E! all day, but it can't go without mention... THE ROYAL WEDDING! Everything is so much more romantic in... English. BAHAHAH okok we speak English, but you know what I mean - British. I just think I'm funny. But, aw, so beautiful.

ohmygoshhhhhhhhhhh Kate looked FABULOUS!!! And she's even being compared to Grace Kelly, what a compliment! She just looked amazing. Very princessy. She was modest, modern, and traditional all at the same time. I was just amazed by her poise and comfort in front of ALL of those people and she especially gave her prince the attention he deserved amid it all. Don't you hate that at weddings when the bride gets too carried away with her guests and forgets about the man who is the reason she's there? ick, me too. But Kate DID NOT, they were so sweet and precious together. The royal kiss was darling. So perfect, they were kind of giggling through it. So presh. And look who was there? Yep, the Beckham's, Victoria about 5 months preggo looks amazing in her FIVE inch heels... wow, now that's a rules girl. Get it gurrrrrrrrrl. oooh and he is YUMMmmmmmy.

I wish we could all get some really cool hats and go to the party too, but I guess watching in our pj's will have to do. Just remember, that if you ever have a big event, pull a Kate and give attention to the person who means the most, while being poised and dignified to other guests.There's always something to learn from one Rules Girl to another.

Happy Royal Wedding to all of you!

Cheers!

Rules Girl

ps. did you know her hips are padded to make her waist look smaller!? BRILLIANT

Rules Girl of the week

2011-04-28T09:49:00.000-07:00

Our girl Karmin.... wow.
Atta girl, she's quite the Rules Girl.
doin' stuff... and stuff.

So yea, go do stuff too.
n'stuff.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Men... the Mind Readers - ok, or not.

2011-04-22T12:11:00.000-07:00

OK team, time to talk.
Sometimes we think men can read our minds. Yes, I know... we know it, but we can get a little silly sometimes. But really men can't read minds - weird I know. As such, we need to be explicit and clear when it comes to what we want.

Don't be too hard on THEM or yourself about it all, we just have different ways of communicating. No offense men, we still love you. Sometimes though it's just a different type of communication, and men are NOT mind readers. They really really aren't. yea, I don't think I even want a mind reader... right? he looks like he's going to eat my head instead of read it.

Women really aren't mind readers either, we just catch on to non-verbal communication cues a tad more (*The Female Brain - Brizendene).

So...As seen in this video sent by one of our favorite readers, be clear and explicit about what you want instead of thinking he understood what you were trying to communicate...

Tell him what you want. He WANTS to know, I promise. And if he doesn't... you probs don't want him anyway.

XOXO

Rules Girl

Does love run?

2011-04-21T22:38:00.000-07:00

Running.

Love don't run.

Yea, I think I agree.

Wait maybe not?

You know all those songs that talk about how the guy or girl runs away and comes back and they live happily ever after? I hate those songs. Why did they leave in the first place? Then again, I've done stupid stuff... hmmm I don't know.

Does love run?

XOXO

Rules Girl

Wave Wave Wave

2011-04-19T11:57:00.000-07:00

I was checking out our stats here on RG and found out the following about our audience. These are the pageviews we have from around the world. Unfortunately it doesn't follow our entire history as a blog, but it's enough to know that we should be paying tribute to our world travelers. So here's to you, readers! Cheers and thanks for reading The Rules Girl.

United States 17,132
Canada 967
United Kingdom 953
Russia 514
Germany 511
South Korea 510
Australia 418
Philippines 322
Netherlands 169
Japan 161

XOXO

Rules Girl

ok ok I understand some of these people probably landed on us and didn't care, but why think about that when we can be grateful for those who really are reading. xoxo

Relating to Movie Characters

2011-04-18T08:43:00.000-07:00

Do you have a movie character you relate to? You might not even completely relate, but ok you wish you did? Yea, I have one. Ever seen the movie, Morning Glory? With Rachel McAdams, Harrison Ford, Noah Bean and Dianne Keaton? Welp, I love it.

I want to be Rachel McAdam's character, Becky... more than you know. Ok, so I more so relate to her than I want to be her...I feel a little clumsy, I'm not Ivy League, I work really hard at what I do, and I have big dreams. I know I'm no Rachel by any means, but it kinda feels good to find someone you relate to, even if they're in a movie. I think it's Rules Girlsy to find that character to relate to, why? Because it motivates you, picks you up, and helps us remember that dreaming is what Rules Girls do... because we can, and because we will. If you feel there's a special mission you're supposed to accomplish in life, go do it.

Go do it - or figure out how.

XOXO
Rules Girl

2011-04-14T20:22:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I've been neglecting you, but of course I've been thinking of you! Especially the other day, man I wish you were all there... I was walking by this chick who of course was on the phone and this is what she was saying:

"Omgosh, of course I got your voicemail again. But weird because you told me your phone was dead and that's why you couldn't call me! I'm pretty sure your phone isn't dead if it's ringing and ringing and going to voicemail after those rings. I can't believe this. You have been avoiding me and cannot even man up!"

And she kept going. Yikesabee I hope it wasn't of our readers because that is very much NOT a Rules Girl thing to do.

1. If your man is avoiding you this is the wrong way to approach it. First of all, give him space, then see what happens. Maybe he needs a sec to think, breathe, work, or relax for a min.

2. Maybe this is a sign. I think it's QUITE the sign for Girl X on the phone. I mean, if he's avoiding her and lying to her like that... or even if he isn't, he will be soon because she sounds awful. who would want to answer her call? ick, not me.

3. Talk to your man... not AT your man.

4. men, you cheat on your girl and I'll come after you

5. Rules Girls are NOT drama. So if you're with a man who does funky stuff... get outta town, there's more. I know it doesn't seem like it, but there are.

Wow, it's amazing what you can learn from a stranger on the street.

This reminds me of some other posts. Check it:

Don't just Blah Blah

D on't call Him... he'll call you

xoxo

Rules Girl

Little bit stronger

2011-04-11T14:49:00.000-07:00

It's a process, the whole healing thing. It really does come a lil at a time...day-by-day. Sometimes it slaps you in the face and other days you don't give it a second thought. Just remember, it is within your control. You have power over your thoughts, which affect your emotions. You DECIDE what to do and how to feel. So decide. Don't do the things that you know will make you sad. Do the opposite.
This song says so much - give it a listen and you'll know what I mean.

XOXO
Rules Girl

My duhpiphany about hobbies.

2011-04-07T23:32:00.000-07:00

So I was just thinking about how some girls really need hobbies. They do. They need something other than boys and Facebook to consume their time and more importantly their thoughts...but then my thoughts got deep, real deep. WHY, should they REALLY have hobbies? Well first of all, have a life of your own... besides that...no guy wants to babysit a girl all the time because she doesn't have anything else to do.

Ever noticed that guys are attracted to those girls that "have it all"? Having it all can mean a variety of things, but one of those varieties could be defined as the girls who can "do a lot of things" and by do, I mean LIKE a lot of things besides youtube videos and their ipod. I mean, they like to talk about things that matter, are learning a new instrument, love reading, tried water color, karate, and long jumping... are closet knitters, are stellar at ping pong and crazy eights, love to ski, play basketball, and edit videos. Why do all the guys like them? Well here's where the epiphany came... and yea it was more of a DUH than an epiphany... we'll call it a dupiphany. The more hobbies, skills, and interests you develop, the more likely you are to have :

1. Something in common with a fine fellow (the more events you attend and groups you're in because of your hobbies, the more people you meet that lead you to more people and men, and men, and people.)

2. The more skills, interests, and hobbies you have the more attractive qualities you have... or are to have something someone has always wanted (ex: a girl who can play sports or the guitar)

So thank heavens for my duhpiphany because this was a much needed Rules Girl post. Get out there and get some hobbies because it's the Rules Girl way to be smart, awesome, exciting, adventurous, and full of life and love. No guy wants a girl who isn't excited about life and finding new things and people to love. Get busy...

and ultimately...do this for you

XOXO

Rules Girl

Writing letters

2011-04-05T21:05:00.000-07:00

I was sitting... thinking too of course, and wishing that I could write letters to some of my past beaux's telling them I'm sorry for how stupid I was. No no, not asking them if I could come back, no no no no. But just writing to explain that I'm grateful for what we went through, but now that I look back I learned so much about what not to do, and what TO do in relationships and that I'm sorry I kinda missed the boat.bye bye boat. Oh, there he goes paddling off with her... baha, jk I'm funny. Anyway... Now that I look back and learn even MORE about relationships I realize what signals I was completely blind about. Whoops, Welp, and Whatever. For example, did you know that as humans we would rather feel anger than sadness? So when you're lover bursts out in anger, it's probably because they feel hurt and want to suppress their sadness because anger is better to their insides than sadness ever while be. Sad, right? I know, when I learned that I felt awful. (That's not saying it's ok to be abused etc etc, please understand the balance). Fascinating. I wish I would have known that. I wish I would have known a lot of things. But it's over and done now, I just sometimes wish I could a letter and say

Dear X,

I learned stuff. Sorry bout it. Don't worry it won't be as bad for the next sucker. Love you, oh wait but not allowed to say that anymore or whoops that's one of the things I should've said- ok well just... n'stuff,

Me.

What have you learned? Reflect and Learn, so next time your relationship will be that much better. If you do it, I'll do it. reflect.

XOXO

Rules Girl

Gloomy Girl

2011-03-31T14:13:00.000-07:00

Have you ever caught yourself being gloomy? Yea, me too...

Don't allow external forces to dictate your happiness. Joy comes from within. You'll have hard days, but leave the dark cloud behind and enjoy the sunshine that exists somewhere within your reach. Sometimes it's hard to recognize, but once you see it... grasp it, love it, and don't let go. See how liberating it is to be at peace with yourself? FREEDOM!!!!!
Don't LET negativity rule you. Don't let the hardships wear on you. Be strong.
NO guy wants a girl with a dark cloud looming over her head.
Be the girl that radiates sunshine, so all the guys want to flock to her and share those rays!

XOXO
Rules Girl

National Women's History Month

2011-03-29T23:04:00.000-07:00

March is National Women's History Month! But it's coming to a close... wah wah.

However, National Women's History Month just gives us another excuse to celebrate our womanhood. I mean, we're awesome... just think about it. We get to... paint our nails, get dressed up, wear lip gloss... we look SO much better in bikini's... curl our hair, straighten our hair, throw it up or chop it off.... we can cry whenever we want to whomever we want, have the right to be indecisive, an excuse to have a bad week... get mani-pedi's, have kids, be executives, vote, sing, wear skirts, heels, and cover-up (<-bwwahaha suckers)... we get to play sports, dance, sing, act, paint, travel, explore, drive, hike, swim, and best of all, we can conquer the world and look pretty while we do it.

We are women.

And we're good at it.

XOXO

Rules Girl

The radio blogged for me

2011-03-28T16:04:00.001-07:00

I wish you were all in the car with me today when I heard these two songs back-to-back because it is just so...Rules Girlsy.
First...

NOPE, we (Rules Girls) sure don't want NO SCRUB.
Here's a mini *rhetorical analysis of the lyrics of this song.
- He just sits on his broke bum bum? Yea, no thanks. Rules Girls are cool with dating broke dudes, but not the kind that sit on their bum.
- Do I want your number? nope... you should be calling me, oh wait so after I said no I don't want your number, you thought you should ask if I would give you mine? ha....
next.
- He's lookin' like trash? (this speaks for itself, no analysis necessary)
- Live at your mom's? For a short period of time, depending on where you're at in life, ok we can make exceptions... but I don't wanna be your next MAMMA who's car you can hang out of the passenger's side because your friends are sick of you... barf.

Yea, Rules Girls can't do scrubs... we just can't.

Ok... So then after I heard No Scrubs...
I heard Destiny's "Soldier"... which has some un-PG content that we won't discuss here, but let's focus on the PG content that expresses how we want the opposite of a scrub. Lyrics: I know some soldiers in here (Where they at, where they at)
They wanna take care of me
I know some soldiers in here
Wouldn't mind takin one for me
I know some soldiers in here
They wanna spend that on me...
I mean, RIGHT!??!!? RG's want a soldja... not a scrub.
Wait for your soldja, even though you might be singing "where they at? where they at?" for a while before you find one.
Hold out.
No Scrubs for life.

XOXO
Rules Girl

*scholarly way of saying, let's analyze this, yo.

Make Memories

2011-03-23T13:35:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've been neglecting you, my most dedicated readers, but things are just nuts lately! As such, this will just be short and sweet... and I've said it before, but here it goes again:

Sometimes looking back into the past and going through old photos and good times can put you in a funk.
Yikes.
So what do you do about it!?
Welp.
Go make a new memory. Have a good time... TODAY, right now... this instant! Instead of allowing yourself to miss old times and peeps.

Make today, the good ole times.
Make Memories.

Was that a kodak commercial, or what?

XOXO
Rules Girl

Elizabeth Taylor

2011-03-23T09:25:00.001-07:00

I don't know if Elizabeth Taylor was a Rules Girl or not, but I sure am glad she starred in the girl power movies that she did! For example, National Velvet... ohhhhhhh one of my FAVORITE movies of all TIME! As a kid, I was OBSESSED!
A. because it was about horses - I was obsessed.
B. because in the movie Elizabeth Taylor dresses up like a boy to race in horse races because at the time there were not any female jockey's - GO GIRL! FULFILL THOSE DREAMS!
Or how about Cleopatra and Little Women!?!? GIRL POWER! haha ok, I know girl power is like so Spice Girls, but it still applies to 2011.

Be that woman that fulfills her dreams and beats all odds.
Rest in Peace Ms Taylor, thanks for standing up for what a woman should be... or at least playing the characters (in some movies).

XOXO
Rules Girl

Physical Expectations

2011-03-22T13:20:00.000-07:00

If you have gone on a few dates with a guy, or even one... and HE pays... are you expected to "put out"?
(disclaimer: the meaning of "put out" can mean a variety of things depending on your view of dating and sex, in this context to keep the blog PG rated, we will consider it kissing)

Research has been done on First Date Sexual Expectations. Research among college students shows (Emmers-Sommer, 2010) that when a man pays for dinner and a movie, the man generally has sexual expectations, and the woman an understanding of general social expectations (whether she agrees with it or not). Research also shows that even if a WOMAN pays for dinner and a movie, that the man still generally has sexual expectations because he thinks, "Heck, she liked me this much, of course she wants me." Before you think all men are pigs, the reason this is generally too could be for a couple reasons. First, women... are you "putting out" to make their expectations generally accurate, AND remember, men think of sex more and differently than women do (this was not stated in the Emmers-Sommer research, strictly RG). Oh yea, and one last thing. The same research study showed that men especially have sexual expectations if a woman goes to their home on the first date.
However...
Research shows that if the bill is split 50/50 women finally aren't expected to give anything physical in return... Research indicates that GENERALLY when a couple splits the tab men see the relationship as "just friends" but women think they might possibly be in the running for at least a little smoochy pooh.

The reason I bring this up... is ladies, don't let general research, or social and perceived "expectations" guide your behavior. If you don't want to kiss the guy, don't kiss him. You should not feel that just because he bought you dinner that you are EXPECTED based on some set of social guidelines to thank him with your body. If you don't want to, don't. However, be aware of these expectations so that you are not leading a guy on or giving him the wrong impression.
Be both aware and confident in your dating endeavors.
Don't give in, just because you feel pressure.

"Pressure: It can turn a lump of coal to a flawless diamond OR an average person into a perfect Basket-case."

IF someone sings you this song:
That doesn't mean you have to dance with them to it.

XOXO
Rules Girl

*Research: Emmers-Sommer "First Date Expectations" 2010

You look nervous, insecure, or lame when...

2011-03-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

Here are some non-verbal cues that you're uncomfortable or even nervous when talking to someone. These THREE non-verbal cues often make it seem like you lack confidence or are insecure. Combat these non-verbals and be cognitively aware of what you are communicating.

1. Do NOT touch your face or mouth while you talk. For example, if you're chewing or you think your breath is bad, do not cover your mouth to hide it because you're drawing MORE attention to yourself. Take smaller bites, eat some gum, or scootchy scootch back nonchalantly if your breath is bad.

2. Lack of eye contact is a no no. We all know this, but are you implementing it. Where were you looking in that conversation? Were you looking at the floor? Their hair? Their... Wherever you were looking, it wasn't the right place. You need to maintain eye contact. Just don't give them a stare down, make sure to look away every so often so you don't seem creepy.

3. Wherever your shoulders or knees are facing shows some level of interest. It's just like what you learned at basketball camp when you were 10... SQUARE UP! Not interest as in "I want you I need you" but interest in conversing with the person. So, if you want to hear more about the person, or are enjoying the person in teh slightest, try with your best ability to point your shoulders and knees toward the person. Sometimes you're sitting side-by-side or in a circle so that makes things difficult, however... try your best to be facing and concentrating on the person you are conversing with.

If you DO NOT want to talk to someone, you can use these three cues to your benefit because IF the person is smart (has communication competence), they're get the picture, and leave you be. If not... welp, Then, you're just that gorgeous.

When conversing remember: FOCUS.

XOXO
Rules Girl

RE-POST for reminding: Red Light - Green Light: A how-to on the first hand hold

2011-03-18T07:25:00.000-07:00

It's important for both guys and girls to understand these cues. They're pretty much unwritten, aren't they? (Please do us all a favor, and forward to those who need the lesson)

Red Light: Arms crossed or somehow extremely "unavailable" screaming "STOP! DO NOT HOLD MY HAND!". This could get confusing when you're transitioning from what I like to call friend to friendlier or you're just... friends (wait for future post on this topic) because it's also very comfortable. hmmmm, tricky.
Women: Utilize if you are not interested.
Yellow Light: This is the hardest 'light'. Just as if you're debating whether or not to hit the gas and drive through the red light, you also might feel like you should stop... just to be safe. It's a gamble. Yellow light gestures include a very light crossing of the hands in the lap, slightly interlaced fingers, or the famous "twiddle". The bod can't help itself when it's nervous or anxious, it has to move (*hence why people bite nails etc).
Men: This is a position that leaves the girl 'free' enough for her hand to be held, but not vulnerable. Many confident, but not aggressive girls (aka many Rules Girls, but not all) utilize this technique. It also means you aren't repulsive. (phew!)
Green Light: HELLO WORLD! I AM READY FOR A HAND HOLD! Green light consists of palms up or obviously placed on the legs ready and willing to be held.
Men: Hold her hand or take note that it's time for you to run the other way if you're otherwise interested.
Women: Don't be a diva and pull this move if you don't want the guy to hold your hand. It's common-girl-sense not to do such things.

Uh-oh. Sweaty hands? Here are the **two best techniques...
1. Put them in your pockets and wipe it off (gross, but whatevs... we do what we gotta do)
2. Place something cold on your wrists. If you have the tendency to be clammy, get a diet coke and place your wrists on the cold drink while watching the movie(because DUH you're probs totes watching a movie on hand-hold night, he set it up like that on purpose... if he's smart).

therulesgirl@gmail.com
XOXO
Rules Girl

*source: Reading People by Jo-Ellan Dimitrius
**source: Tonya Reiman

That thing you do

2011-03-10T07:26:00.000-08:00

Do you have one of those characteristics you can tell someone close to you doesn't like about you? Or an interest that they just don't care about, and they even SHOW you non-verbally they don't want to listen or be involved with it.

Of course you do, we all do. I like to call it, "that thing you do"... yep, like the movie.

Does it ever frustrate you that the person you are close with doesn't like a huge part of who you are? Yea, it makes sense.

But instead of stewing over how they don't get you, or how you wish they liked that 'thing' about you, or the things you like - find someone else that actually likes 'that thing you do.' you can't MAKE people like what you like, or like you, but you can change the people? Now, I'm not saying getting a new love, best friend, or even mother because they don't like something about you, I'm trying to illustrate that if your lover, dad, or bff doesn't want to talk about Gossip Girl, contemporary art, or the weather... find another friend that does, to fill that void. AND so you don't feel sorry for yourself that they don't like something about you, or that you like.

What I'm saying is, find someone who is ok with 'that thing you do,' maybe even thinks it's cute, or fun!Most of the time 'that thing you do,' that characteristic or interest you have, isn't necessarily a BAD thing, it's just not THEIR thing. (please be sure to evaluate whether it is a negative quality, or just not their thing before continuing this process)...

This is important to do while searching for a future love. (not that you're searching, more like weeding out)... Because you need to make sure that the big parts of you are either appreciated or listened to, or at least not non-verbally or verbally discarded, ignored, or considered unimportant or too much for them to handle. You don't want to feel like you can't be you.

And everyone has those things they do.

XOXO

Rules Girl

Love the crap out of 'em.

2011-03-09T19:45:00.000-08:00

Women are generally more critical than men (this is not ALWAYS the case - hence the general in there). With that said, we must make sure to sing our lovers praise when we can. Remind them how much you love them OFTEN, and shower them with the much needed affection that every man needs. If you need to grab him and have a corny dance with him to the song below, then do it. He needs it.

I know I've been caught in the trap of insecurities, fear, or that he'll think that I'm more into him than I really am and I'm sure some of you have too. But, it's better for him to know how you feel, than to feel like you don't like, loake, or love him enough.
Those of you who don't have lovers, just love hard in general.

XOXO
Rules Girl

On top of the world

2011-03-07T23:06:00.000-08:00

Ever seen this movie? ....

or heard this song???....

Yessssssssssssss. Both of them make me feel so on top of the world. Well, recently I was a lil sick... but then, when you feel good again (like I do now) you feel like the world is yours to be had! That's how I hope each of us feels as a Rules Girl when it comes to all this dating stuff. It's hard to not let it get to us. I mean the whole, he likes us, he likes us not... we tried it- it didn't work, or we didn't express ourselves so duh it didn't work...ok ok or whatever the story is. Sometimes it all just gets really old and we just want to quit, lie in bed and watch re-runs of Grey's Anatomy (or... ok, insert fav here). However, it's our job as confident and healthy relationshipers to get back at it. And here's the best part, you shouldn't need a MAN to make you happy (they're great an all, but really hun? He'll like ya more if you're happy already...). You shouldn't need romantic love to feel happy. You should just BE happy. LET yourself be happy. Do whatever it is you need to do, to get back on top of the world. The song above might be a good starting place to begin the saga of your life in which you feel ON TOP OF THE WORLD. I love this song and for those of you that grew up with the Disney Channel it used to be on my fav Disney original movie, Motocrossed (see pic above)... yesssssss, loved it. Totes had it on VHS. It was almost as good as 3 ninjas (Rocky loves, Emily...Rocky loves Emily... ok you have to see it to know what I'm talking about.)

Anyhoodlesssssss- Do what you need to do, to be on top of the world.

Hike, swim, write a thank you, jog, dance, work, skinny dip, eat carbs, etc...

XOXO

Rules Girl

In a good place right now?...

2011-03-04T00:08:00.000-08:00

THEN DON'T TOUCH THAT MOUSE!

Ew.

Stalking your ex's when you're on a *freedom high is just as bad as touching the mouse in this pic. Grossssssssssss...

When you're in a good place, don't ruin it by STALKING YOUR EX's... DUH, bleck, yucky yuck! I know, I shouldn't have said duh because we all know it and do it anyway. STOP! have some self control... or if you don't have self control, express in some other facet of your life and indulge in some extra transfats. If you're in a good place, why go back to the old? Ew, no thanks... stay happy. You have control over your state of well-being, so keep your being well.
Next time you're having a happy day and you're tempted to stalk your ex's... say no!!!
No to...
drugs?
ok, not really drugs, but kinda.... Yea... then again I guess love is a type of drug according to Ke$ha...
baha.

XOXO
Rules Girl

*freedom high used out of context from the book "Freedom Summer" by Doug McAdams

Eye flirting

2011-03-02T08:39:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting face to face, but kitty-corner from this dude. He's not the hottest guy in the room, but at the same time he's attractive and we are eye flirting. Yes, eye flirting. What the? What does that mean, you ask? Well, it's stealing glances at each other here and there, mainly when they're not looking, but then sometimes they catch you and you hurry and look the other way. Pretty much we're just making each other feel all pretty inside...and out.

How To: EYE FLIRT

Whoa. NOOOOO too intense. You're not a vampire. Pipe down.
Be approachable, but not available. Steal the glance, but make sure to look away.
She's forgetting to look away and now it just looks creepy stalkery...

oooooooh yeah. There ya go. The sucker just makes it all that much better... yep, grab a sucker, uh oh you started smacking and sloshing, ok throw away the sucker. Anyway, she's got it. You can tell she's stealing a glance from behind her hair, but she's about to look back. She's the winner. Eye flirt like her.
The eye flirt is a good way to get things started if YOU are feelin' like it... or feelin' IT.
I mean even eHow our trusty friend (yea, I've never heard of it either til now) says the following:
"Your eyes can reveal much about you. They can reveal your likes and dislikes, your mood and when you are receptive to another person's attention. Flirting with your eyes is a special way to let others know that you are interested in them. You can open the lines of communication without saying a word."
The eyes are the window to the soul.
baha. anyway.
So... moral of the story. Why eye flirt?
Because it's flirting and doesn't have to have a follow up (up tot he imagination) and sometimes that's good for the dating soul.
;) <--- from me to you. getcha getcha getcha Get yer eye flirt on.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Fragile Strength

2011-03-01T11:21:00.000-08:00

Ever feel like someone could knock you over if they blew hard enough in your direction? Ever felt fragile, like you know the smallest thing is about to set you off any minute? I know I preach that Rules Girls are confident and tough as nails, but I have to remind you that it's healthy to let your emotions show. Sometimes you've got to let it out whether it be through crying, talking, running, painting, or singing. Whatever it is you need to do... take the time to do it, because you're about to burst, break, or go up in flames and that will NOT be pretty.

Stop being so strong all the time and just break down. Have that good break down you need and get back on your feet. It's healthy, and healthy is the Rules Girl way.... that's right... just dust yourself off and try again.

I know fragile and strength seem completely opposite, but welcome to the world of women. We have our ups and we have our downs. It's ok to feel a little fragile sometimes as a girl... it's our prerogative... it actually shows how strong you are that you allow yourself a healthy feeler.

cry.

then get up and do it again.

XOXO

Rules Girl

Why are relationships always so good in the beginning?

2011-02-28T09:08:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you ask yourself, how come relationships are so good in the beginning? These guys know what it's like to be at the beginning of something. Haha. (If you don't get it, they are the band "The Starting Line").
Your new relationship probably feels more care free for myriad of reasons including :the last one didn't end well and your heart hurt... so this attention feels real nice. However, the biggest reason why your new relationship is feeling so fine and dandy, care free, liberating, and invigorating... is because you haven't quite reached a certain level of intimacy yet. (Intimacy does not just mean sex. It's any high level of emotional involvement.)
Research on interpersonal relationships explains that "As intimacy increases, so does conflict."*
This means that the more intimate, close, interdependent you become with someone, the more conflict you will have in your relationship. Don't forget, conflict isn't necessarily a BAD thing. I mean just think about it. In the beginning you aren't as aware of their history, their ex's, the way they spend their money, how they spend their time, and their ideological leaning. There isn't as much history between you and them either, you haven't had enough intimate experience together to get to the big conflict part yet. Once you have a joint bank account, your interdependence and intimacy is clearly on a different level. There is more likely conflict to be had on the subject of finances, right? Of course right.
So if you're in dream land, just be aware that eventually reality will strike and you'll realize, no relationship is perfect or free of conflict. You're just at the starting line. Now, I'm not sure what race you're running... 100 meter dash, hurdles, or the cross country endurance run, but you've got a lot of running and conflict to go until you reach some sort of finish line.
I'm not suggesting that you can't enjoy a relationship or that it isn't AWESOME to be in one, just a little heads up to you idealistic newbies, they're all hard... conflict is inescapable, and is not always a BAD thing, for it is the only way to produce wanted and needed change.

XOXO
Rules Girl

*Huston 1981

Rule #.00001

2011-02-25T09:34:00.000-08:00

Rules Girls are
CONFIDENT!
We walk confident and act like we LOVE ourselves, even if sometimes we have "one of those days." We are not egotistical thinkin' we can do what we want and get who we want... but we do walk tall and proud. We are beautiful and lovable because we work and dream hard. If you're having "one of those days" where you just don't feel like the pretty girl you are... give a listen to Keri Hilson...

Stand up and DO THE PRETTY GIRL (especially because she's a 20's flapper and that's totes my decade)
YOU... are a 10.
XOXO
Rules Girl

scary... is this more than a crush?

2011-02-23T06:21:00.000-08:00

Does it scare you to think this thing you have might be more than a little crush? What do you do? Back away, go forward, stand still? Are you spinning? Going crazy?

First step: calm down.
Second step: take a step back and ask, is it more than a crush for them too?
Third step: decide whether you want to bring it up or not, is it worth ruining what you have? Should you just wait it out for a little bit?

The Rules Girl can't tell you what to do beyond that, it's up to you to decide.
Think.
Feel.
Act.
XOXO
Rules Girl

What do you want from me?

2011-02-22T12:21:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been THAT girl? Have you ever been the subject of the song below? The one that calls, and can't let go? Rules Girls recognize their massive mistakes and try to be rid of their old and awful ways. We all have growing to do and the first step is recognizing you are or were THAT girl. Not sure? Ask yourself if you are doing this to someone (calling, texting, still talking when it's over)...Are they hurting, because of you?
Song lyrics:
Why'd you call me today with nothing new to say?
You pretend it's just hello, but you know what it does to me to see your number on the phone.
Now tell me, what do you want? What do you want? What do you want from me?
Are you tryin' to bring back the tears or just the memories?
You keep takin' me back, takin' me back where I've already been.
When we hang up it's almost like I'm losing you again.
Can't you see? So what do you want, what do you want from me?
I get so tired of living like this.
I don't have the time, neither do my friends,
To stay up at night, to pull me through,
And to find the things to keep my mind off of you.

You would never want to have them hurt because of you, so do what you gotta do. And if you were the one doing it and feel awful now, take this time to grow and change... and never put someone through it again.

xoxo
Rules Girl

Stop being pathetic.

2011-02-21T08:10:00.000-08:00

It's time to stop being pathetic.

You know it's time, but still you keep hanging on.
But ... it's clear he doesn't want you and that he's moved on... or that he just is NO GOOD for you.
I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just trying to be the friend who isn't too nice to say it, and help make that little voice inside your head more like surround sound. Man, I love surround sound. It makes everything sound so much clear, and REAL. I AM BEING REAL HERE! Stop being pathetic and move along. Love your life for what it is. You have it in you, and YES another one WILL come along just like mama told you...

even though that's the last thing you want to hear right now.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Don't just blah..... blah...... blah

2011-02-18T08:16:00.000-08:00

Don't just blah barf all over your man all the time. It's ok when you're excited to tell him good news, bad news, new news, or haven't seen humankind in a while to talk a lot. But sometimes, the talky talk is too much for the poor guy.

Don't just blah barf all over your man.

Ke$ha knows all about it.

xoxo
Rules Girl
and Ke$ha

Girls need Girls

2011-02-17T15:20:00.000-08:00

Girls need their Girls.

It's important that if you're in a relationship... or even if you're not, to have some girlfriends. For example, if you just feel the need to gossip. You're man probs doesn't care about Holly's awful new doo or how she got a fungus getting her mani. I'm not sayin' going out on the town every night... just have some space. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. He'll probs like you a little more if you're not there as much.

baha. jkjkjkjk.

kinda.

Get some girl friends. Have some girl talk. Squeal n'stuff. It's good for ya.

XOXO
Rules Girl

How to be an RG on the FB like... like... omg

2011-02-15T07:57:00.000-08:00

Adding:
Let him add you. If you only like him as a friend, go ahead...add him. But if you're looking for romance, don't look over eager.
Posting: Again, let them initiate the conversation. Just don't forget to facilitate the opportunity. Post something in your status you think they would respond to, or if they write on your wall, make sure you write back. But don't be eager beaver and respond 2 seconds later. Don't forget... Rules Girls have lives.
Chat: Don't respond too fast, but leave them completely hangin'. Again, you have a life.
Photos: Don't post and tag every photo of you two together that you've ever taken. Maybe tag one of a few and let them tag themselves. Also, don't post pics that make it look like you're together when you're not sure if you are... When you post too many pics you may make it look like A. you like him more than you do B. making him think you're eager or desperate. (<--Rules Girls are NOT DESPERATE)

Just don't forget. Keep fb contact whitty and make it look like you're smart, happy, and have a life. Keep the TMI to yourself.

xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxo n'stuff
Rules Girl

Old posts that incorporate how to be an RG on Facebook
Facebook flirting
Facilitation and Exposure

Somebody call the Waaaaaaaaaaaammmmmbulance.

2011-02-14T08:06:00.000-08:00

Stop crying about not having someone for Valentines Day. Just because you're single doesn't mean you're a spam single classic.
ew.

You're getting on my nerves.

You're ...

beautiful

smart

hot

sexy

loving

caring

attractive

cool
hip

chic

fabulous

and best of all you have dreams. Go out and live them. He'll come along.
Don't be all anti-V-day hater because you don't have a lover.
and being bitter gives you wrinkles.
like... ew.
Love yourself.
No desperadoes here. Just happy campers.
If you're feeling sad, go love someone that needs loving more than you. There always is one.

Make this ti a HAPPY Valentines Day!!
hearts and x's and lots of o's,
Rules Girl

Tweet THIS

2011-02-10T13:48:00.001-08:00

http://twitter.com/#!/xoxoRulesGirl

Rules Girls a TWEETIN'!
chirpity tweeterson
Follow me on Twitter and let me know if you want ME to follow YOU.

XOXO
Rules Girl

What's your Love Style?

2011-02-10T12:48:00.001-08:00

I just took an scholarly-academic measure* indicating my love style. Yes, there is an official test unfortunately I don't have the measure for you to take, but here are the different love styles. You can be a mixture, but usually you are 1-3 dominantly. For example, I am Eros, Pragma, Agape.... What are YOU?
EROS:
- The other person's beauty is of utmost importance.
- Positive physical chemistry is a must have.
- Puts physical over psychological (looks over emotional/mental connection)
- Accelerates quickly (falls hard, crashes hard)
- When physical imperfections set in, they move on to someone else. Or when someone MORE attractive shows interest, they move on.
- Often feel unfulfilled relationally.
LUDUS:
- fun and excitement are critical to their relationships
- game playing
- when fund ends, so does the relationship
- "I just wanna have fun"
- fidelity is not as important
STORGE:
- start as friends (friendship first then it developed to romantic)
- not a lustful/passionate thing
- not plagued by sexual issues/not the focus
- not big on "love things" such as anniversaries or milestones
PRAGMA:
- practical and traditional
- focus on roles and cultural influence
- interested in how the person will fit in with their family, future, friends and career.
- Asks, "will they be a good spouse?" "good father?"
- Careful decision making relationship-er.
- rarely break up once fully committed/married.
- love is practical.
MANIA:
- when things are good, they're real good. but when they're bad... they're real bad.
- elation/depression
- peaks and pitfalls
- loves intensely
- fears losing mate
-insecure
- break up and get back together over and over.
AGAPE:
- selfless
- you're happy, I'm happy.
- loves people.
- spiritual
- generous and compassionate
- does not expect things in return (ex: if you tell someone you love them, you don't expect them to say it back, you said it because you like to express yourself etc)
You can see how some Love Styles are more likely to date/marry other love styles... Sometimes one of your love styles takes over the other...

XOXO
Rules Girl
Stay Tuned! The next post will be in answer to a letter about "how to be a Rules Girl, on Facebook"...

*John Lee and Hendrick & Hendrick (Texas Tech)

He wasn't real...

2011-02-06T22:10:00.001-08:00

Have you ever felt like you fell in love with someone that wasn't real? You touched him and he was no floating Devan Sawa, but the actual Caspery ghost guy. You look back and realize the person you were in love with wasn't really them at all. They were not real, and what you thought they were is cold and see through.

They might be real for a brief second (and yes Casper you can keep me). This happens to us sometimes. Sometimes we think we know someone, but then we look back and realize one of two things:
1. They were playing us. Not in the cheating sense, but in the sense that they were acting, or putting on a show to get us, and now they seem worlds different than they were, mainly because they're free to be themselves now.
OR
2. We were living in a dream world. We thought they were different or more than they actually are, simply because we wanted them to be. We wanted it to work or worse yet, we loved them.

Sometimes it's a mixture of the above. They were giving you what you wanted, because they wanted you for a hot second, AND you were so caught up in the moment that you went with it. Whatever it was, they aren't who we thought they were, and it's a devastating and scary feeling to realize you were either tricked, or tricked yourself. However, Rules Girls... be grateful you know. Just goes to show you should always go with your gut whether you know why you're doing it or not. It's worth it.

Be with someone REAL.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Conflict is not spelled "B-A-D"

2011-02-03T14:09:00.000-08:00

What's your perception of conflict? Of confrontation? Good? Bad?
Well, Conflict is not BAD. Conflict can be either constructive or destructive, all depending on how you deal with it. So, don't cower away from your lover if they bring up something that bothers them or that concerns them about the relationship. It's better to address it, for the number 1 reason for divorce is because of AVOIDANCE. Not addressing or acknowledging a problem because you are afraid of conflict, leads to the end of relationships. This includes, being passive aggressive or the dreadful SILENT TREATMENT. Buck up buttercup and start recognizing that conflict is inevitable and the more you recognize how it can actually be helpful to you, the better your relationships and life will be. Now, there is much to be said about conflict, especially about relational conflict. However, what I thought might be helpful for you is to better understand what types of conflict STYLES exist. What is yours? Honestly acknowledge your type of conflict style so that you can improve if necessary. Now remember, you might vary from situation from situation, but your style is how you most often handle conflict.

Competing - highly assertive, low cooperation, goal is to "win"
Avoiding - low assertiveness, low cooperation, goal is to "delay" and hope it goes away.
Compromising - moderate assertiveness, moderate cooperativeness, goals is to find "middle ground"
Collaborating - high assertiveness, high cooperation, goal: win-win.
Accommodating - low assertiveness, high cooperativeness, goal is to yield (let the other person address the issue and lead the way.)

Now, according to conflict management scholars*, the optimal conflict style is collaborative. To strive for a win-win, and to be highly assertive in initiating issues, and highly cooperative when someone else does. Unfortunately we were never taught conflict management skills in kindergarten when it probably would have been useful. Now is the time... now is the time.

XOXO
Rules Girl

*Wilmot, Culpach, Canary, Spitzberg, etc.

Emotional Intelligence

2011-01-26T18:28:00.000-08:00

As women, we are more emotional (for the most part) than men, as such it is imperative that we are not only emotional... but emotionally intelligent. What is emotional intelligence? It is "the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves an din our relationships."* We all want that, right? So, the first step in becoming emotionally intelligent is knowing what characteristics comprise emotional intelligence. So here's the list, go through it and see what are your strengths and weaknesses to help yourself know how to improve. Maybe sit down with your girlfriends and talk about it, it would probably give you some good laughs and some insight. But first, you need to know that you have to master them in a progressive order. So if you want to improve your emotional intelligence start with one, and work your way down.

Self-Awareness:
1. Emotional self-awareness
2. Accurate self-assessment
3. self-confidence
Self-Management:
4. Self-control
5. Trustworthiness
6. Conscientiousness
7. Adaptability
8. Achievement orientation
9. Intiative
Social Awareness
10. Empathy
11. Organizational awareness
12. Service orientation
Social Skills
13. Developing others
14. Leadership
15. Influence
16. Communication
17.Change-catalyst
18. conflict management
19. building bonds
20. teamwork and collaboration

To develop these characteristics... hints are given here: http://eqi.org/summary.htm

XOXO,
Rules Girl

*D. Goleman "Emotional Intelligence," 1995.

How do you know how comfortable you are in a relationship?...

2011-01-24T08:39:00.000-08:00

How do you know you're comfortable in a relationship? Nope, it's not necessarily when you can just sit in silence and not have to say anything without it feeling awkward.... Nope.
It all comes down to... (drum roll please- badaddaddrrrdddd <--attempt at typing a drum roll)...
Yep... it's...
ONIONS!!!

Yep, onions I say! I mean think about it. You're sitting in your favorite restaurant of choice and they ask, "Do you want onions on that?" And you think to yourself... what am I doing tonight? Well, it's my first date with this hottie tonight so you respond, "No thanks!" because you'd rather have fresh breath and make a great impression than be stinky mcgee. Plus, sometimes even after you brush they just linger! those stinkers (pun intended, ba boom ching). However, if you have been dating a dude for a year you would probably be all about the onions! You just know you'll give yourself an extra brush or two before blowing in the poor guys face or giving him a nice big smooch. But really, it's a great indicator that you're comfortable in the relationship and with the guy if you're willing to go with the onions.
And being single is even better... onions all the time!!!
crunch crunch, love them onions.
XOXO
Rules Girl

The Tab, something much bigger than just money- LETTER TIME!!!!!!!

2011-01-21T12:25:00.000-08:00

Hi Rules Girl,
I enjoy your blog. You seem to have this rules thing down, I have a question/problem I hope you can answer. I have just started dating again after divorce and am new to the rules. I cannot, CANNOT, let a guy pay for me on a date without making an offer to split the bill. I understand the reasoning behind this, but somehow it feels instinctively wrong to me for some reason. Deep down, I think I'm afraid he will feel taken advantage of. I have tried to just smile sweetly, but I swear I get an anxiety attack when the check comes, and I am unable to keep my mouth shut. I went out for coffee with a guy and I think it put him off that I ordered and paid for my own coffee. What is wrong with me and how do I train myself to not do this?
Thanks,
L

Hey Girl Hey,

Welcome to the Rules Girl! First of all, part of becoming a Rules Girl and trying to become more secure, confident and better relationship-er is letting go of the parts of the "old you," you know probably weren't the best for you in the past. This is a hard thing to do with something even as minute as not paying for the bill, but this is going to be your first step. Maybe sit and think about why it is that you have issues with paying for the bill? Maybe in your past marriage there were money issues, or you have insecurities with allowing someone to be your provider, protector, or even trusting them. Allowing a guy to pay for your food, meal, or coffee is a symbol of something more than them paying for you. Guys have an instinct to be manly, provide, and protect their women. They WANT to do this for you. I promise. And if they don't, they aren't keepers. Yes, that's a pretty hasty generalization but that's because of what paying for the first date symbolizes for a man. It's the first sign of you being able to trust them. Trust that they can provide for you and protect you. LET THEM be a man, stroke their ego a little bit and allow them to pay. Don't forget to thank them more than just one weak "thanks" (blush) though. Make sure they know you appreciated it and talk up the food or say how much you love coffee. You can do it 'L,' just let yourself. Look at it as if you are overcoming a whole separate issue and allowing yourself to BE YOU, a woman that is respected and beautiful, and worthy of being taken out!!!! You noticed that the guy was a little put off by this, that's because it's a sign that you wanted to be taken out and go out with the guy, so if you actually like the dude, let him pay. If not, then give him the "I just want to be friends" symbol by paying for yourself.
Just fyi, splitting the tab is something you do later in the relationship, probably around the 3rd date, or on the 2nd offer to pay for the tip or dessert. Good luck girl, we're all cheering for you.

XOXO
Rules Girl

No Sense Crying...

2011-01-18T22:44:00.000-08:00

Yep, he's freaking spilt perfume.

No use crying over spilled perfume. I mean, who cries over their perfume spilling? Nobody sane or emotionally stable, that's for sure... so yeah, this complete butt-munch guy... he's that perfume. Yeah, you thought you loved him, liked him, "loaked" him, was cute, whatever... but he really is just that perfume. Wanna know why? Because that scent is sooooo four years ago. It doesn't even smell good on you, never really did, but it was the "cool scent" at the time and so you wore it cuz Victoria (she's full of secrets, like that you don't smell good with that scent) told you to.
Silly Girl.
Welp, at least now you know you didn't spill one worth having I guess. Then again, you knew it all along, but didn't listen to your inner sensory girlz inside of you. Anyway... back to the whole crying over spilled perfume thing and how dumb that is... Just like fish, there are a lot of other perfumes in the sea. Yeah, you thought that perfume was "one of the best ones" you could find... but think about it... you haven't even been to so many perfume shops. I mean, more than just Sephora and Ulta exist ya know. They sell perfume all over, in all sorts of nooks and crannies. <---See, here's some! You'll probably end up finding it when/where you're least expecting it anyway. Like you take a fabulous trip to NYC, just for you and then viola! There it is... where you'd least expect it, CHINATOWN (psha, awesome!) and it only costs 15 bucks (haggled of course).
Yep, see. No use crying over spilled perfume cuz he was really stinky anyway.
XOXO
Rules Girl

Happy Belated Birthday Rules Girl!!!

2011-01-18T22:10:00.001-08:00

Rules Girl turned TWO On Jan 6th, and I can't believe we forgot to celebrate.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY RULES GIRL!!!
XOXO
RG

Kinda weird to tell yourself happy birthday...that's probably why some people refuse to throw themselves parties... eh, I'm gonna go throw some confetti around anyway... maybe even hit a pinata, and I'm definitely going to eat some cake.

Wish he was your boyfriend?

2011-01-11T08:02:00.000-08:00

Wish he was your boyfriend, but he's just a friend? Maybe they aren't even a friend. Welp, hard place to be.... but guess what...you need to stop singin this song to yourself cuz you aren't being Rules Girlsy. You'vve got to decide to get over it if you know it won't go anywhere, and carry on. Don't dwell on it too long or it will make you emo-nutso.

Great song.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Feeling sad you're single?

2011-01-10T07:19:00.000-08:00

Well don't.
Like Jason Derulo says, love not only makes you blind... but being solo makes you feel like your heads in the sky.

Relationship are like ... ok Are life. They are critical and crucial to our growth and emotional health. However, romantic relationships are not the only type of relationship to be had. Being single ("solo") is NOT the end of the world, you still have so many wonderful people in your life. Love THEM. Focus on THEM. Enjoy them.
If you're having a pity party over it, look on the brighter side of life and make a list of the reasons it's so great to be single.
Oh, and to those of you with lovers, carry on...
but as for the singles... party on.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Dear boys, this isn't first grade...

2011-01-06T12:49:00.000-08:00

Dear boys,

You don't get girls by being mean to them. Yeah...the whole tugging the braid thing adult-style doesn't quite work when you grow older. You don't call them names, mimic them when they giggle or talk, and you really shouldn't emotionally or physically abuse them. It's like sooooo 19..._ fill in your own blank___. I'm not saying you should shower them with compliments right off the bat because the first thing these girls will think... is "he's probably a dirt bag and tells every girl that," So keep it simple. Just be normal... and no braid tugging or name calling. Try TALKING to the girl.

And girls, if you're still doing this, we need to have a chat. My e-mail is therulesgirl@gmail.com

XOXO
Rules Girl

The better sex.

2010-12-29T13:37:00.000-08:00

ew. There is no "better sex."

Rule # 6,799: Girls and Boys are BOTH cool.

So, Get over yourself.

And no, I'm not directing this toward just men, but toward women as well. We need each other people!!! Ick, I'm just so sick of this competition of who is the "better sex." What a waste of time and space. Without each other there is no "us" nor is there a society to be living in. So get over it and appreciate everyone, both sexes, and each other.

We're both great so love the other sex too! We just have our different strengths and weaknesses, but it's all about balance, right? Right. So who cares if she's emotional sometimes and you're more pragmatic. Sometimes emotion is more important in a situation and sometimes pragmatism is... just embrace it all, because you're getting on my nerves.

XOXO

Rules Girl

RULE NUMBER 1!!!!!!!

2010-12-28T10:52:00.000-08:00

This is a really really important rule.

RULE #: 1.

Wow. I've never established a Rule #1 I don't think... This is big time.

Recently one of my Rules Girls sista's has made a hard decision and I just wanna throw out a props to her! atta girl... butt slaps... the whole kit-n-kaboodle (now that I write it out, I wonder what that means?? anyway).

back to Rule #1.

Even though you might not know why... or YOU think you're crazy...

Sometimes a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

and that means...

going with da gut.

atta girl

XOXO
Rules Girl.

That dreaded day...

2010-12-27T11:56:00.000-08:00

It's that dreaded day after a great winter holiday...

The day we all get back to work. (a loud booooooooo)

Some are still on vacation, or in transit to various places around the globe, or stuck because of snow blizzards, but for some... it's the back to work Monday after a great break for Christmas. I like to think of this dreaded day back to work after a holiday as a metaphor for how it feels to get "back" to dating again after getting out of a relationship. Ok, ok, so breaking up isn't exactly a holiday, but the part before it can be pretty good (especially now that it's over you look back and think it was pretty great). However, when you think about the prospect of finding someone new it can become a through of dread. Your head does the same kicking and screaming routine that happens with the Sunday Blues. But we all know that kicking and screaming doesn't do us any good when no matter what we have to get back to work.

Welp, it's the same with dating.

You have two options in this scenario: (and probably some others that I didn't think of)

#1. With your best foot forward, look forward to the future of dating. Look at it as exciting and adventurous. That you'll get to experience something fun with someone new.

#2. Then again, if you just need a little time to yourself, take it. I'm a huge advocate of getting readjusted again just like you would getting back to work. Of embracing singledome and just trying to be comfortable alone and with yourself. To go along with our work metahpor, it would be like getting your cubicle and files organized. Make sure you are focused. Maybe the things that went wrong in your last relationship can be things you can start working on fixing before the next one comes along.

So whatever route it is you take, just think of it like you're going back to work after the holidays... yea... it's a little dreadful, but at the same time, it's life. Live, learn, and work it.

Don't give up on dating altogether.

It reminds me of the song on Billy Madison... "back to school, back to school"

but instead, you're back to work.

XOXO

Rules Girl

Merry Christmas!!!

2010-12-24T15:33:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!!!

Just remember, this is NOT the time of year to be feeling sorry for yourself because your man didn't get you the "perfect gift," isn't perfect, or has yet to exist for you. It's time to celebrate love, life, and joy.

Give a gift to show someone you love them...

or give yourself a gift show yourself you love you.

Have a Merry Christmas!

XOXO

Rules Girl

Letter time!!!!!!

2010-12-23T12:46:00.000-08:00

Hi Rules Girl,

So question: Is it true that if you tell a guy you're not interested, but you keep emailing/chatting with/calling him, he'll keep thinking he has a chance? What are the rules for staying friends with someone that keeps trying to pursue you when you're only interested in being friends?

Thanks,

Confused

Dear Confused,

You seem to be sending some mixed signals. Maybe you should ask yourself WHY you keep wanting to talk to them? Do you like them? Why don't you want to date them? Do you like the attention? There are situations where you can keep talking to people you aren't interested and can stay friends, but in general, it's not fair to them because you're wasting their time. If you've clearly explained to them that you just value their friendship and want to be friends with them, and they are ok with still being friends... then you have done what you should do and are ok to continue talking to them. However, are YOU initiating the conversations? If so, you might be sending mixed signals. What if the tables were turned?

I don't know you're specific situation, but please ask yourself, "What IS my motive?" and be completly honest with yourself and them. Do you in fact like them but are scared? Do you not like them but want attention? Are you scared to lose them as a friend?

As always, there are exceptions depending on your specific situation (don't take that as an excuse to not do the best thing for both of you), but generally I would advise cutting them loose if you aren't interested so you can both move along.

Good luck!

XOXO

Rules Girl

Just as ET said.... Ouuuuuuuuuuuuch.

2010-12-22T20:20:00.000-08:00

OUCHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Don't stalk your ex's.

It just hurts your heart. just like this ball hurt this guys face... WHACK. oopsies and ouchies.

Hurry... find something else to do.... go for a run, read a book, call a friend, or write a novel. Get your mind off of it and get happy. Don't spread sadness, and do NOT dwell on it.

XOXO

Rules Girl

Silent Treatment Sucks...

2010-12-21T12:38:00.000-08:00

Silent Treatment Sucks!
So knock it off and talk.

If you need to separate yourself from teh situation and think for a little while that's fine, but say to your honey-bunches, "honey-bunches, I need to go think and not talk right away. I just need some time." and then go separate yourself... and then come back of course. But just giving the siltent treatment is very 1st grade-ish of you.

So knock it off.

XOXO

Rules Girl

it's not healthy...

2010-12-20T10:34:00.000-08:00

It's not very healthy to talk crap about your lover to your friends. Afterall, he is your lover and we love our lovers

So don't do it unless there is a serious problem in your relationship, which you should confide in very few and not blast it to the universe. Rules Girls love their men for all their faults, so don't be so hard on him behind his back, it's really not good for your relationship.

Talk WITH him not ABOUT him when you have a problem.

talky talk.

XOXO

Rules Girl

The Verbal Connection

2010-12-19T08:27:00.000-08:00

Are you frustrated that your man doesn't want to chit-the-chat with you sometimes? Ugh, so frustrating. Welp, it might be because he doesn't need the verball connection like you do. Some girls who expect their boyfriends to chat with them the way their girlfiriends do, are greatly mistaken. Sorry chica, find a gf to gossip with. The connection he needs is a little different, it's touch. That doesn't mean you should never talk to your man or that he doesn't value conversation at all, it's just not as crucial to him as it is to you.

So next time you find yourself frustrated with his lack of conversation try to remember that his brain works different than yours and think patience, patience, patience, and call your gf to talk about how awesome Blari's outfit was on Gossip Girl that day or about your friend's new pics posted on facebook. If it's really becoming a problem, talk to your man about it... NOT to your gf.

XOXO

Rules Girl

*Idea from The Female Brain

honey... you gotta Touch your man...

2010-12-18T12:15:00.000-08:00

Ladies, there's something you've got to understand. Men need to be touched. Yeah yeah, you'll say you need it more but you're wrong, sorry. It's been scientifically proven that men need to be touched "three times more frequently than females" to maintain the same level of oxytocin (the dopamine love drug that makes them feel all fuzzy inside) as females. Louanne M.D. explains that "without frequent touch, the brains dopamine circuits can feel starved." Couples often dont' realize how much theyd epend on each other's phsycial presence until they are separated for a while. You don't want him to feel like this...all sad and hurt inside.

Oh, and you should also know that giving your man the physical attention he needs actually benefits you too. yea, we like to be touched and affectionate too, but it's a little different for us. Turns out, that when men have enough of the love dopamine they need, they are more focues in their minds and heart on you, even when you may be separated from each other.

I'm not suggesting anything particular or that you do things you are uncomfortable with, but just make sure you're showing him the affection he needs, because touch means something different to him that it does to you, and he needs it more. Women can feel that dopamine love drug they need from other things such as a special glance, acts of service, etc... but the man... nope, sorry, not so lucky.

Show your man a lil' affection, he literally needs it to know you love him.

XOXO

Rules Girl

*info from Louanne Brizendine, M.D.'s book: The Female Brain

The perfect gift

2010-12-17T17:42:00.000-08:00

Don't know what to get your man for Christmas?

It's so hard!

If you're really stuck. Think of your favorite thing about him, or your favorite thing you do together... add some candles and take out and give him something small like a love note. Or you could do a countdown til Christmas and give him a cute lil thing a day...

Be creative and show him how special he is, don't stress too much or you'll just take it out on him.

If you have any great ideas, pleast post a comment and help your sistas out!

Merry Christmas!!

XOXO

Rules Girl

Skilled Emotional-ers

2010-12-17T12:10:00.000-08:00

Turns out the female and male brain protect themselves differently to "accomplish the same goals." Each sex uses different circuits of their brain to protect themselves from harm. For example, the female brain protects herself and her young by using her instincts and superior emotional and linguistic skills. Which would mean talking their way out of it, coaxing, arguing, or describing a process well in order to protect themselves. This would also include noticing certain behaviors and fleeing the scene because of it BEFORE something awful happens. Men however, go from "zero to fistfight" in seconds as their protection mechanism.

It's information like these brain protection differences that makes me wonder why we always have to be comparing the sexes to each other and deciding "which is the better sex?" Ew, neither. They're both rockin' awesome. We each have different strengths. Now remember this is a generalization, but generalizations are often helpful. For example, information about women's emotional abilities can help men recognize WHY women are often... I don't know... more emotional?
So....
Dear men, instead of looking at us and thinking or saying, women are too emotional, you should look at us and think. Wow, what a skilled emotional-er, I sure love her for that. (vice versa for women to men)

Right?
of course right.
We're skilled.

XOXO

Rules Girl

*information from "The Female Brain" by Louann Brizendene

Why heartbreak hurts, literally...

2010-12-17T11:52:00.000-08:00

I've been reading this seriously awesome book called, "The Female Brain" and am learning more and more about myself (us) with every paragraph. Louann Brizendine, M.D. has been studying the female brain and hormones (we are fascinating and far more complicated than our male counterparts, no wonder they love us so much) for years and has her own psychiatric clinic. She's done phenomenal research and has comibined it with the work of various types of research and it's giving me more insight into why we are the way we are. For this particular post, she inspired me to post about heartbreak and why it LITERALLY hurts so bad. She explains that romantic love is like a drug as it releases certain types of hormones that act a lot like dopamine. So, when you break up with a lover the withdrawal is as Louann explains... "as if weaning from a drug." That withdrawal takes over. The reason heartbreak acts as a literal pain because it "triggers the same circuits in teh brain." The chemical shift from high activity of romantic love to the flat loss of grief is a hormonal shift from love's "dopamine" to a black cloud of reality. So now when your heart hurts, you can understand why... not only that but knowing more about your brain and how this pain affects you, you can better deal with it.

How is it that you keep yourself from focusing on other kinds of pain? Wonder why you sleep a lot or watch a lot of tv? Some people work a ton... What are your comforts? What gets you distracted? Work? Hot cocoa? Ramen noodles? Whatever it is, grab hold of it to help comfort your pain.

heartbreak hurts, literally.... and now we know why.

I will be using some exerpts from this book for other posts as they provide great insight for girls like us who are trying to be the best women we can.
XOXO

Rules Girl
Here you go Louanne, some free advertising... you deserve it.

Love Yourself...

2010-12-06T22:58:00.000-08:00

...Or He never will.
What guy wants a girl that doesn't like herself?
Some pine for love, boyfriends, husbands, etc. But don't forget that you have to love yourself first. I just got done reading a memoir about a girl I knew and found it completely frustrating. It was very un-Rules Girlsy and inspired this post.

She didn't know what she believed and all she wanted in life was to be skinny and have a boyfriend. I couldn't take it I was so frustrated throughout the book. She would change her core belief system based on whether a man found her sexy or not. YOU will not. YOU are not that girl. If you looked in the mirror this morning and thought something negative about yourself physically, you need to change your mind. You have the power to change your attitude and especially to love yourself more.

If Mr. Awesome ever does come along, you'll be too wrapped up in thinking about you and how ugly or stupid you are... that you'll miss the cool guy standing in front of you.
Don't miss out. Love... YOU. Give yourself a lil' hugsy
You'll be surprised how when you start loving yourself and enjoying life, love just plops into your lap. SO, Stop thinking about you, and start loving yourself... so that eventually he can too.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Happy + Track

2010-12-03T14:19:00.000-08:00

Sometimes crap happens. It just does, that's life. And it's ok to have "those days"... those days where you're just cranky, feel fat and sick, sad, and just can't get out of your funk. However, Rules Girls try not to spread their negativity. Hide away... cuddle up on the couch with your favorite blanky, book, and tv series. Take the day off emotionally. Don't try too hard... because it just throws you over the edge.

Even Rules Girls feel sensy sometimes, just spread love and not negativity. Don't let your "tude" last too long. Take it easy for a day, then find things that make you happy and keep on truckin'. Get back on the happy track.

Happy + Track. haha

XOXO
Rules Girl

Just fight it out Just fight it out

2010-11-28T23:28:00.001-08:00

Instead of walking it out, just fight it out.
http://www.offuhuge.com/media/19737/Walk_It_Out_Old_School_Video_Mix/
Just fight it out, Just fight it out.

ew.
ok. So, here's a hypothetical...

For a moment, you weren't a Rules Girl. you weren't yourself. You were attacked by someone and didn't refute their claims because you were too tired of feeling like they didn't understand. Unfortunately for both of you much needed words weren't said that could've been useful... all because you didn't fight it out. Now it's too late. Now, too much time has gone by and it's just too late. There's nothing you can do, and nothing you can say but to leave it be.
hypothetical over... two important things to be learned from this scenario:

First, ALWAYS fight it out (at least if it matters to you). This doesn't mean a physical fight or even a dramatic one, but talk out the issue (ALL THE WAY) or of course it will never be resolved. If they didn't understand what you communicated, tell them. You'll just regret it later.

The Second thing I learned from this situation is that you have to find someone that you fight well with.

Just fight it out, Just fight it out.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Take a Hint

2010-11-17T23:33:00.000-08:00

Nope, not about your breath...
I'm talking about when he doesn't want you, and you know it, but you keep trying and hoping anyway.
Unfortunately and Eventually you have to take the hint.

You're insides are trying, and you're almost playing the role of desperado...but then you realize, it's hard... but you have GOT TO TAKE THE HINT. For whatever reason, he doesn't want you. It hurts, burns... but that doesn't mean you should keep trying. There comes a time, when each of us has to take the hint, and go. Go for them.... for us... for the whole lot.

It's hard, but you have to do it.

So now it's time to practice focusing on other things, even though that person was your escape from all those other things. It's time to emotionally and mentally get on track by taking the hard road. Face what it is you are not focusing on, and do it. Relish your relationships with other people and relish your work. Read more books, run faster, and write harder. Do what you've gotta do, to really soak it in, and take the hint.

nobody like's playing the role of desperado.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Votes for Women

2010-10-24T20:52:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year where everyone is sick of hearing all the campaign ads. Mainly because they're never right anyway (but people are too lazy to actually read up on the issues and candidates) anyway oops sorry totally off topic.
The whole point of this post, is... to pay tribute to the original Rules Girls, to the Women of the American Women's suffragist movement. It was because of strong women in the United States that we now enjoy the freedom to vote.

Because of the right to vote, we have so many other freedoms. I love this picture because it represents just how Rules Girlsy these women were. In this picture there are both women with and without children. You can have children, be a mother, and be strong and make a difference, but you can also do it single and strong. Whatever situation you're in, make the most of it, be a great and strong women... like those who made it so we now have the right to vote.
XOXO
Rules Girl

Don't dwell on broken jump-drives

2010-10-01T12:35:00.000-07:00

Anger, frustration, hate, sadness, loss of hope, self-pity... You can't find all the information you once had stored on your travel-drive. You're broken. It's broken. You're consumed by feelings of woe...it keeps you from concentrating, working, and your overall success and progression.
All of these negative feelings are debilitating as they keep you focused on yourself, and not on the work that needs to get done. The metaphor of losing all of your information from your travel drive is like that of a relationship. If you keep focusing on all your losses, then you'll never get anything done, find success, get over that someone/find a new love, or improve yourself. So, just shake it off, forgive the guy who broke it, and decide to get back to work and moving on.

Don't dwell on broken jump drives.

XOXO
Rules Girl

A support system

2010-09-30T12:16:00.000-07:00

When you're trying to break a habit, you have to have a support system. It's like AA or NA or even quitting caffeine... you've got to have your support system. That's what us Rules Girls are for each other... a support system. So here's some support. We get it, I get it.
I'll remind you to stop dwelling on it. Let yourself stop wanting them.

Miss them.
Send them light and love, and drop it.

XOXO
Rules Girl

"_________ Responsibly."

2010-09-29T06:53:00.000-07:00

Ok no actually I'm not talking about drinking responsibly. I'm talking about Running AWAY Responsibly. What I mean by this is sometimes you have to follow the gut, your emotions, your heart. Sometimes you have to just go. However, when you do so... you do so responsibly. For the timing is not always appropriate to run... but sometimes it is. For example, you don't just run away from a relationship, but if you're having a hard time expressing yourself, or holding back anger, then it is ok to runaway to the park, or maybe even to your bed for a nap. I don't care where you go, but don't think that if you can't hack the confrontation, that you have to stay there and face it. Just say, I need a little time to myself and RUN! (this book is pretty good, kind of unrelated to this post, but eh) Running can help you get out the emotions you don't know how to express any other way. You just feel you need to escape from so many things, so do it. There are many ways to run... you can paint, sing, RUN, sit at the park, sleep, work, etc... Rules Girls are not affraid to do what they have to. Running sometimes helps the relationship instead of yelling, arguing, showing your hurt too early. Go, run, think it through, but make sure whoever you're running from knows they're loved and that you just need to run. But don't forget to go back, or to use it as a tool of avoidance.

It's good for the soul. Helps you heal.

Run Responsibly.
XOXO
Runnin' Rules Girl

May the force NOT be with you

2010-09-27T22:49:00.000-07:00

We've all done it. Some of us have even completely embarrassed ourselves in the process. You can't force a relationship. You can't force it in any phase. For example...Maybe you like him, and he doesn't like you. You can't force it. You can't make him like you or want you back. Or...Maybe you want the relationship to go to the next level, but you can't force it or it might be too fast and you scare them away. And then ....Maybe you don't like THEM back, but you want to so bad. No matter what relationship phase or position you are in, you just can't force it.
In this situation, I urge you to NOT have the force be with you.
(for all those intergalactic junkies, I know we want the force, and I'm not saying you should go all sith, just take a chill for a sec)
Sometimes you're lucky and get successful in forcing it to a certain point, but even then you realize it didn't really get you what you wanted, and that now you're far beyond saving face. You're embarrassed, and realize that you just can't force it, because forcing doesn't work. You can't force yourself, and you especially can't force them into wanting something. It usually it ends up with you being embarrassed and feeling stupid for putting yourself so far out there, and them seeing you as completely ridiculous, needy, or incapable of being alone. Save yourself the face, and the heartache... and don't force it. Go with the flow, and if that means healing... then heal. if that means waiting to see what happens, then wait. Be patient, let them take the reigns on this one. If that means dropping it, then drop it. You've done what you can do, you've forced all you can force, go. Now, it's their turn.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Rules Girls don't Pity Party... When you've got a good thing, embrace it.

2010-09-24T00:16:00.001-07:00

see. pity parties are LAME.

Stop thinking about what "they" can do for you and, and start thinking about how you could be doing so much more to show you care about THEM! Quit it with the pity party. If you have a special someone, a significant other, a lover, someone you cherish... embrace it, and especially THEM. Stop focusing inward and on yourself. Stop thinking about how much you need to be loved and how you wish they could be better for you and START thinking about what you can do for them. What can you do to show them you care, want them, love them, need them. Tell them more? Kiss them more? Rules Girls are the type that value those they love. Sometimes we forget to do the little things to show people we love having them in our lives, but we certainly try. So be that Rules Girl that embraces the good thing they've got... especially when you're having a pity party.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Heartache Sucks

2010-09-20T00:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Rules Girl,
Does anyone ever feel the way I do? That heartache sucks? I hate watching people go through it, I hate feeling it, and I hate causing it. It burns. It hurts. It won't go away. It's hard to concentrate on anything else. I want to see him, but I can't. I want to talk to him but I can't. I hate feeling as if I've been hurting too long, or don't want to tell anyone but everyone at the same time. I want to be alone, but I can't be alone. Heartache sucks. I know I'm crazy that I almost want the pain to stay because then at least there is part of them still with me. I write to ask you how to fix it, even though a large part of me doesn't even want to.
Sincerely,
heartache sucks.

Dear Heartache Sucks,
I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner, but I couldn't think of what to say. I know it sucks, but I feel as if only time heals. But in the mean time you can use a trick I learned from the movie Eat Pray Love (I know, cheezy mcgee but hey never knock good advice!). You're trying to get over it and clear your head but you miss them, you love them. We've all been there. It's hard.
In the movie Julia Roberts' friend tells her that in order to heal...to let herself miss them. "If you miss them...miss them. You love them, So love them. Send them love and light. then drop it." I would have to second this motion. There's nothing you can do, but to go through with those feelings. So when doing so, send them light and love, but then drop it. Allow yourself to feel a little sad, but then carry on. Drop it. Do the other great things you were meant to do.
Good luck. I send you light and love :)

XOXO
Rules Girl

Heightened Emotions.

2010-09-17T00:34:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we are overly sensitive.
I know I can overreact, be way too sensy, and get upset over really stupid things. I hate that it happens because in my deep down thinker I'm saying to myself, "You're ridic, it's not a big deal" but then my insides are just screaming with frustration. I mean, have YOU Ever snapped at a special someone or took something they said the wrong way... when you never would have with anyone else? Ever fought about something that if your bff said it, you wouldn't care? Welp, I've decided it's because of heightened emotions. when you're in a relationship or diggin' on someone you have the tendency to overreact about stupid things merely because you're so in touch with those feelers, that you get kinda sensy if they say something that makes you feel in the slightest bit less appealing to them.
Anyway... moral of the story. Whether you're on the receiving end of an overly sensitive emotional outburst, or causing it... Take a step back, breathe, and realize you heart them so it's not worth getting this worked up over. Talk it out, and be done with it.

oh and yes this was inspired by my favorite TV show... any guesses?
XOXO
Rules Girl

Don't forget what you deserve.

2010-09-15T23:49:00.000-07:00

You really are amazing, one of a kind... you are confident, beautiful, full of passion and life, and oh so much more. So why not deserve someone who truly cherishes that? Sometimes we settle for someone who doesn't value us as they should. Well, here's a song to you...this is what you deserve. A special someone who feels like THIS about you.

Be with someone that adores you.

XOXO
Rules Girl

The Mind Wanderer

2010-09-09T15:08:00.001-07:00

I found myself daydreaming today about all the places I want to see and go...
It started with the Panama Canal because the discussion I was SUPPOSED to be involved in was about Panama Canal Treaties, but then my thoughts went on to how I want to see Pearl Harbor, the Great Wall of China, Palace Square in Russia and so many other places. THEN, my mind wandered on to how I want to paint a giant picture of all these places.
like this guy...

(elephants are like big dogs, I want one)
It turns out this daydream was a mini-victory for me. Why? Well, have you ever noticed that when you need to get over someone or something but you can't, your mind always seems to wander back to them? Well, I caught my mind wandering about something completely my own instead of it being about some dude. It was a conquest, a defeat. For that moment, I had the advantage.
This daydreaming thing, the idea of changing of my thoughts and redirecting my emotions toward something else is something I'm working on, and I did it. Instead of feeling guilty, sad, and angry I decided that I have the right to be happy. I can change, and that's what I'll work on, but in the meantime I can move on and enjoy life. I don't have to dwell on him, that, them, or this. I can daydream about life, my future, joy, exploration, and ambition.
So here's to us Rules Girls. For our mini-victory's. Cheers! To changing our minds, shifting our emotions, and having that moment of success that keeps us going, knowing we're headed the right way... and most importantly knowing it won't be like this forever.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Rules Girls don't give the silent treatment... (we talk it out)

2010-09-03T12:37:00.000-07:00

...Because guess what, that's what we did when we were eight and didn't know how to express ourselves. Now that we're big girls, we talk it out. If you have a problem, you need to talk about it and make sure that things get squared away. It's detrimental to a relationship to give the silent treatment for two days, a week, a month... and then all of a sudden act like nothing ever happened.
Talk it out. Then you can actually repair thing instead of having them linger and never get resolved.
We don't give the silent treatment to our men, and we don't give it to our girlfriends. We sort it out.
Just change the lyrics to .... "now talk it out..... now talk it out"

XOXO
Rules Girl