Monday, February 28, 2011

Why are relationships always so good in the beginning?

Sometimes you ask yourself, how come relationships are so good in the beginning? These guys know what it's like to be at the beginning of something. Haha. (If you don't get it, they are the band "The Starting Line").
Your new relationship probably feels more care free for myriad of reasons including :the last one didn't end well and your heart hurt... so this attention feels real nice. However, the biggest reason why your new relationship is feeling so fine and dandy, care free, liberating, and invigorating... is because you haven't quite reached a certain level of intimacy yet. (Intimacy does not just mean sex. It's any high level of emotional involvement.)
Research on interpersonal relationships explains that "As intimacy increases, so does conflict."*
This means that the more intimate, close, interdependent you become with someone, the more conflict you will have in your relationship. Don't forget, conflict isn't necessarily a BAD thing. I mean just think about it. In the beginning you aren't as aware of their history, their ex's, the way they spend their money, how they spend their time, and their ideological leaning. There isn't as much history between you and them either, you haven't had enough intimate experience together to get to the big conflict part yet. Once you have a joint bank account, your interdependence and intimacy is clearly on a different level. There is more likely conflict to be had on the subject of finances, right? Of course right.
So if you're in dream land, just be aware that eventually reality will strike and you'll realize, no relationship is perfect or free of conflict. You're just at the starting line. Now, I'm not sure what race you're running... 100 meter dash, hurdles, or the cross country endurance run, but you've got a lot of running and conflict to go until you reach some sort of finish line.
I'm not suggesting that you can't enjoy a relationship or that it isn't AWESOME to be in one, just a little heads up to you idealistic newbies, they're all hard... conflict is inescapable, and is not always a BAD thing, for it is the only way to produce wanted and needed change.

XOXO
Rules Girl

*Huston 1981

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