Thursday, February 3, 2011

Conflict is not spelled "B-A-D"

What's your perception of conflict? Of confrontation? Good? Bad?
Well, Conflict is not BAD. Conflict can be either constructive or destructive, all depending on how you deal with it. So, don't cower away from your lover if they bring up something that bothers them or that concerns them about the relationship. It's better to address it, for the number 1 reason for divorce is because of AVOIDANCE. Not addressing or acknowledging a problem because you are afraid of conflict, leads to the end of relationships. This includes, being passive aggressive or the dreadful SILENT TREATMENT. Buck up buttercup and start recognizing that conflict is inevitable and the more you recognize how it can actually be helpful to you, the better your relationships and life will be. Now, there is much to be said about conflict, especially about relational conflict. However, what I thought might be helpful for you is to better understand what types of conflict STYLES exist. What is yours? Honestly acknowledge your type of conflict style so that you can improve if necessary. Now remember, you might vary from situation from situation, but your style is how you most often handle conflict.

Competing - highly assertive, low cooperation, goal is to "win"
Avoiding - low assertiveness, low cooperation, goal is to "delay" and hope it goes away.
Compromising - moderate assertiveness, moderate cooperativeness, goals is to find "middle ground"
Collaborating - high assertiveness, high cooperation, goal: win-win.
Accommodating - low assertiveness, high cooperativeness, goal is to yield (let the other person address the issue and lead the way.)

Now, according to conflict management scholars*, the optimal conflict style is collaborative. To strive for a win-win, and to be highly assertive in initiating issues, and highly cooperative when someone else does. Unfortunately we were never taught conflict management skills in kindergarten when it probably would have been useful. Now is the time... now is the time.

Rules Girl

*Wilmot, Culpach, Canary, Spitzberg, etc.


Blogger Rachel said...

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February 4, 2011 at 4:47:00 PM PST  

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