Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Emotional Intelligence

As women, we are more emotional (for the most part) than men, as such it is imperative that we are not only emotional... but emotionally intelligent. What is emotional intelligence? It is "the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves an din our relationships."* We all want that, right? So, the first step in becoming emotionally intelligent is knowing what characteristics comprise emotional intelligence. So here's the list, go through it and see what are your strengths and weaknesses to help yourself know how to improve. Maybe sit down with your girlfriends and talk about it, it would probably give you some good laughs and some insight. But first, you need to know that you have to master them in a progressive order. So if you want to improve your emotional intelligence start with one, and work your way down.

1. Emotional self-awareness
2. Accurate self-assessment
3. self-confidence
4. Self-control
5. Trustworthiness
6. Conscientiousness
7. Adaptability
8. Achievement orientation
9. Intiative
Social Awareness
10. Empathy
11. Organizational awareness
12. Service orientation
Social Skills
13. Developing others
14. Leadership
15. Influence
16. Communication
18. conflict management
19. building bonds
20. teamwork and collaboration

To develop these characteristics... hints are given here:

Rules Girl
*D. Goleman "Emotional Intelligence," 1995.

Monday, January 24, 2011

How do you know how comfortable you are in a relationship?...

How do you know you're comfortable in a relationship? Nope, it's not necessarily when you can just sit in silence and not have to say anything without it feeling awkward.... Nope.
It all comes down to... (drum roll please- badaddaddrrrdddd <--attempt at typing a drum roll)...
Yep... it's...

Yep, onions I say! I mean think about it. You're sitting in your favorite restaurant of choice and they ask, "Do you want onions on that?" And you think to yourself... what am I doing tonight? Well, it's my first date with this hottie tonight so you respond, "No thanks!" because you'd rather have fresh breath and make a great impression than be stinky mcgee. Plus, sometimes even after you brush they just linger! those stinkers (pun intended, ba boom ching). However, if you have been dating a dude for a year you would probably be all about the onions! You just know you'll give yourself an extra brush or two before blowing in the poor guys face or giving him a nice big smooch. But really, it's a great indicator that you're comfortable in the relationship and with the guy if you're willing to go with the onions.
And being single is even better... onions all the time!!!
crunch crunch, love them onions.
Rules Girl

Friday, January 21, 2011

The Tab, something much bigger than just money- LETTER TIME!!!!!!!

Hi Rules Girl,
I enjoy your blog. You seem to have this rules thing down, I have a question/problem I hope you can answer. I have just started dating again after divorce and am new to the rules. I cannot, CANNOT, let a guy pay for me on a date without making an offer to split the bill. I understand the reasoning behind this, but somehow it feels instinctively wrong to me for some reason. Deep down, I think I'm afraid he will feel taken advantage of. I have tried to just smile sweetly, but I swear I get an anxiety attack when the check comes, and I am unable to keep my mouth shut. I went out for coffee with a guy and I think it put him off that I ordered and paid for my own coffee. What is wrong with me and how do I train myself to not do this?

Hey Girl Hey,

Welcome to the Rules Girl! First of all, part of becoming a Rules Girl and trying to become more secure, confident and better relationship-er is letting go of the parts of the "old you," you know probably weren't the best for you in the past. This is a hard thing to do with something even as minute as not paying for the bill, but this is going to be your first step. Maybe sit and think about why it is that you have issues with paying for the bill? Maybe in your past marriage there were money issues, or you have insecurities with allowing someone to be your provider, protector, or even trusting them. Allowing a guy to pay for your food, meal, or coffee is a symbol of something more than them paying for you. Guys have an instinct to be manly, provide, and protect their women. They WANT to do this for you. I promise. And if they don't, they aren't keepers. Yes, that's a pretty hasty generalization but that's because of what paying for the first date symbolizes for a man. It's the first sign of you being able to trust them. Trust that they can provide for you and protect you. LET THEM be a man, stroke their ego a little bit and allow them to pay. Don't forget to thank them more than just one weak "thanks" (blush) though. Make sure they know you appreciated it and talk up the food or say how much you love coffee. You can do it 'L,' just let yourself. Look at it as if you are overcoming a whole separate issue and allowing yourself to BE YOU, a woman that is respected and beautiful, and worthy of being taken out!!!! You noticed that the guy was a little put off by this, that's because it's a sign that you wanted to be taken out and go out with the guy, so if you actually like the dude, let him pay. If not, then give him the "I just want to be friends" symbol by paying for yourself.
Just fyi, splitting the tab is something you do later in the relationship, probably around the 3rd date, or on the 2nd offer to pay for the tip or dessert. Good luck girl, we're all cheering for you.

Rules Girl

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

No Sense Crying...

Yep, he's freaking spilt perfume.

No use crying over spilled perfume. I mean, who cries over their perfume spilling? Nobody sane or emotionally stable, that's for sure... so yeah, this complete butt-munch guy... he's that perfume. Yeah, you thought you loved him, liked him, "loaked" him, was cute, whatever... but he really is just that perfume. Wanna know why? Because that scent is sooooo four years ago. It doesn't even smell good on you, never really did, but it was the "cool scent" at the time and so you wore it cuz Victoria (she's full of secrets, like that you don't smell good with that scent) told you to.
Silly Girl.
Welp, at least now you know you didn't spill one worth having I guess. Then again, you knew it all along, but didn't listen to your inner sensory girlz inside of you. Anyway... back to the whole crying over spilled perfume thing and how dumb that is... Just like fish, there are a lot of other perfumes in the sea. Yeah, you thought that perfume was "one of the best ones" you could find... but think about it... you haven't even been to so many perfume shops. I mean, more than just Sephora and Ulta exist ya know. They sell perfume all over, in all sorts of nooks and crannies. <---See, here's some! You'll probably end up finding it when/where you're least expecting it anyway. Like you take a fabulous trip to NYC, just for you and then viola! There it is... where you'd least expect it, CHINATOWN (psha, awesome!) and it only costs 15 bucks (haggled of course).
Yep, see. No use crying over spilled perfume cuz he was really stinky anyway.
Rules Girl

Happy Belated Birthday Rules Girl!!!

Rules Girl turned TWO On Jan 6th, and I can't believe we forgot to celebrate.

Kinda weird to tell yourself happy birthday...that's probably why some people refuse to throw themselves parties... eh, I'm gonna go throw some confetti around anyway... maybe even hit a pinata, and I'm definitely going to eat some cake.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Wish he was your boyfriend?

Wish he was your boyfriend, but he's just a friend? Maybe they aren't even a friend. Welp, hard place to be.... but guess need to stop singin this song to yourself cuz you aren't being Rules Girlsy. You'vve got to decide to get over it if you know it won't go anywhere, and carry on. Don't dwell on it too long or it will make you emo-nutso.

Great song.

Rules Girl

Monday, January 10, 2011

Feeling sad you're single?

Well don't.
Like Jason Derulo says, love not only makes you blind... but being solo makes you feel like your heads in the sky.

Relationship are like ... ok Are life. They are critical and crucial to our growth and emotional health. However, romantic relationships are not the only type of relationship to be had. Being single ("solo") is NOT the end of the world, you still have so many wonderful people in your life. Love THEM. Focus on THEM. Enjoy them.
If you're having a pity party over it, look on the brighter side of life and make a list of the reasons it's so great to be single.
Oh, and to those of you with lovers, carry on...
but as for the singles... party on.

Rules Girl

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Dear boys, this isn't first grade...

Dear boys,

You don't get girls by being mean to them. Yeah...the whole tugging the braid thing adult-style doesn't quite work when you grow older. You don't call them names, mimic them when they giggle or talk, and you really shouldn't emotionally or physically abuse them. It's like sooooo 19..._ fill in your own blank___. I'm not saying you should shower them with compliments right off the bat because the first thing these girls will think... is "he's probably a dirt bag and tells every girl that," So keep it simple. Just be normal... and no braid tugging or name calling. Try TALKING to the girl.

And girls, if you're still doing this, we need to have a chat. My e-mail is

Rules Girl