Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The better sex.

ew. There is no "better sex."
Rule # 6,799: Girls and Boys are BOTH cool.
So, Get over yourself.
And no, I'm not directing this toward just men, but toward women as well. We need each other people!!! Ick, I'm just so sick of this competition of who is the "better sex." What a waste of time and space. Without each other there is no "us" nor is there a society to be living in. So get over it and appreciate everyone, both sexes, and each other.
We're both great so love the other sex too! We just have our different strengths and weaknesses, but it's all about balance, right? Right. So who cares if she's emotional sometimes and you're more pragmatic. Sometimes emotion is more important in a situation and sometimes pragmatism is... just embrace it all, because you're getting on my nerves.
Rules Girl

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

RULE NUMBER 1!!!!!!!

This is a really really important rule.
RULE #: 1.
Wow. I've never established a Rule #1 I don't think... This is big time.
Recently one of my Rules Girls sista's has made a hard decision and I just wanna throw out a props to her! atta girl... butt slaps... the whole kit-n-kaboodle (now that I write it out, I wonder what that means?? anyway).
back to Rule #1.
Even though you might not know why... or YOU think you're crazy...
Sometimes a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.
and that means...
going with da gut.
atta girl
Rules Girl.

Monday, December 27, 2010

That dreaded day...

It's that dreaded day after a great winter holiday...
The day we all get back to work. (a loud booooooooo)
Some are still on vacation, or in transit to various places around the globe, or stuck because of snow blizzards, but for some... it's the back to work Monday after a great break for Christmas. I like to think of this dreaded day back to work after a holiday as a metaphor for how it feels to get "back" to dating again after getting out of a relationship. Ok, ok, so breaking up isn't exactly a holiday, but the part before it can be pretty good (especially now that it's over you look back and think it was pretty great). However, when you think about the prospect of finding someone new it can become a through of dread. Your head does the same kicking and screaming routine that happens with the Sunday Blues. But we all know that kicking and screaming doesn't do us any good when no matter what we have to get back to work.
Welp, it's the same with dating.
You have two options in this scenario: (and probably some others that I didn't think of)
#1. With your best foot forward, look forward to the future of dating. Look at it as exciting and adventurous. That you'll get to experience something fun with someone new.
#2. Then again, if you just need a little time to yourself, take it. I'm a huge advocate of getting readjusted again just like you would getting back to work. Of embracing singledome and just trying to be comfortable alone and with yourself. To go along with our work metahpor, it would be like getting your cubicle and files organized. Make sure you are focused. Maybe the things that went wrong in your last relationship can be things you can start working on fixing before the next one comes along.
So whatever route it is you take, just think of it like you're going back to work after the holidays... yea... it's a little dreadful, but at the same time, it's life. Live, learn, and work it.
Don't give up on dating altogether.
It reminds me of the song on Billy Madison... "back to school, back to school"
but instead, you're back to work.

Rules Girl

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas!!!

Merry Christmas!!!
Just remember, this is NOT the time of year to be feeling sorry for yourself because your man didn't get you the "perfect gift," isn't perfect, or has yet to exist for you. It's time to celebrate love, life, and joy.
Give a gift to show someone you love them...
or give yourself a gift show yourself you love you.
Have a Merry Christmas!

Rules Girl

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Letter time!!!!!!

Hi Rules Girl,
So question: Is it true that if you tell a guy you're not interested, but you keep emailing/chatting with/calling him, he'll keep thinking he has a chance? What are the rules for staying friends with someone that keeps trying to pursue you when you're only interested in being friends?
Dear Confused,
You seem to be sending some mixed signals. Maybe you should ask yourself WHY you keep wanting to talk to them? Do you like them? Why don't you want to date them? Do you like the attention? There are situations where you can keep talking to people you aren't interested and can stay friends, but in general, it's not fair to them because you're wasting their time. If you've clearly explained to them that you just value their friendship and want to be friends with them, and they are ok with still being friends... then you have done what you should do and are ok to continue talking to them. However, are YOU initiating the conversations? If so, you might be sending mixed signals. What if the tables were turned?
I don't know you're specific situation, but please ask yourself, "What IS my motive?" and be completly honest with yourself and them. Do you in fact like them but are scared? Do you not like them but want attention? Are you scared to lose them as a friend?
As always, there are exceptions depending on your specific situation (don't take that as an excuse to not do the best thing for both of you), but generally I would advise cutting them loose if you aren't interested so you can both move along.
Good luck!
Rules Girl

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Just as ET said.... Ouuuuuuuuuuuuch.

Don't stalk your ex's.
It just hurts your heart. just like this ball hurt this guys face... WHACK. oopsies and ouchies.
Hurry... find something else to do.... go for a run, read a book, call a friend, or write a novel. Get your mind off of it and get happy. Don't spread sadness, and do NOT dwell on it.


Rules Girl

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Silent Treatment Sucks...

Silent Treatment Sucks!
So knock it off and talk.
If you need to separate yourself from teh situation and think for a little while that's fine, but say to your honey-bunches, "honey-bunches, I need to go think and not talk right away. I just need some time." and then go separate yourself... and then come back of course. But just giving the siltent treatment is very 1st grade-ish of you.
So knock it off.
Rules Girl

Monday, December 20, 2010

it's not healthy...

It's not very healthy to talk crap about your lover to your friends. Afterall, he is your lover and we love our lovers
So don't do it unless there is a serious problem in your relationship, which you should confide in very few and not blast it to the universe. Rules Girls love their men for all their faults, so don't be so hard on him behind his back, it's really not good for your relationship.
Talk WITH him not ABOUT him when you have a problem.
talky talk.
Rules Girl

Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Verbal Connection

Are you frustrated that your man doesn't want to chit-the-chat with you sometimes? Ugh, so frustrating. Welp, it might be because he doesn't need the verball connection like you do. Some girls who expect their boyfriends to chat with them the way their girlfiriends do, are greatly mistaken. Sorry chica, find a gf to gossip with. The connection he needs is a little different, it's touch. That doesn't mean you should never talk to your man or that he doesn't value conversation at all, it's just not as crucial to him as it is to you.
So next time you find yourself frustrated with his lack of conversation try to remember that his brain works different than yours and think patience, patience, patience, and call your gf to talk about how awesome Blari's outfit was on Gossip Girl that day or about your friend's new pics posted on facebook. If it's really becoming a problem, talk to your man about it... NOT to your gf.
Rules Girl

Saturday, December 18, 2010

honey... you gotta Touch your man...

Ladies, there's something you've got to understand. Men need to be touched. Yeah yeah, you'll say you need it more but you're wrong, sorry. It's been scientifically proven that men need to be touched "three times more frequently than females" to maintain the same level of oxytocin (the dopamine love drug that makes them feel all fuzzy inside) as females. Louanne M.D. explains that "without frequent touch, the brains dopamine circuits can feel starved." Couples often dont' realize how much theyd epend on each other's phsycial presence until they are separated for a while. You don't want him to feel like this...all sad and hurt inside.
Oh, and you should also know that giving your man the physical attention he needs actually benefits you too. yea, we like to be touched and affectionate too, but it's a little different for us. Turns out, that when men have enough of the love dopamine they need, they are more focues in their minds and heart on you, even when you may be separated from each other.

I'm not suggesting anything particular or that you do things you are uncomfortable with, but just make sure you're showing him the affection he needs, because touch means something different to him that it does to you, and he needs it more. Women can feel that dopamine love drug they need from other things such as a special glance, acts of service, etc... but the man... nope, sorry, not so lucky.
Show your man a lil' affection, he literally needs it to know you love him.
Rules Girl

Friday, December 17, 2010

The perfect gift

Don't know what to get your man for Christmas?

It's so hard!

If you're really stuck. Think of your favorite thing about him, or your favorite thing you do together... add some candles and take out and give him something small like a love note. Or you could do a countdown til Christmas and give him a cute lil thing a day...

Be creative and show him how special he is, don't stress too much or you'll just take it out on him.

If you have any great ideas, pleast post a comment and help your sistas out!

Merry Christmas!!


Rules Girl

Skilled Emotional-ers

Turns out the female and male brain protect themselves differently to "accomplish the same goals." Each sex uses different circuits of their brain to protect themselves from harm. For example, the female brain protects herself and her young by using her instincts and superior emotional and linguistic skills. Which would mean talking their way out of it, coaxing, arguing, or describing a process well in order to protect themselves. This would also include noticing certain behaviors and fleeing the scene because of it BEFORE something awful happens. Men however, go from "zero to fistfight" in seconds as their protection mechanism.

It's information like these brain protection differences that makes me wonder why we always have to be comparing the sexes to each other and deciding "which is the better sex?" Ew, neither. They're both rockin' awesome. We each have different strengths. Now remember this is a generalization, but generalizations are often helpful. For example, information about women's emotional abilities can help men recognize WHY women are often... I don't know... more emotional?
Dear men, instead of looking at us and thinking or saying, women are too emotional, you should look at us and think. Wow, what a skilled emotional-er, I sure love her for that. (vice versa for women to men)

of course right.
We're skilled.

Rules Girl
*information from "The Female Brain" by Louann Brizendene

Why heartbreak hurts, literally...

I've been reading this seriously awesome book called, "The Female Brain" and am learning more and more about myself (us) with every paragraph. Louann Brizendine, M.D. has been studying the female brain and hormones (we are fascinating and far more complicated than our male counterparts, no wonder they love us so much) for years and has her own psychiatric clinic. She's done phenomenal research and has comibined it with the work of various types of research and it's giving me more insight into why we are the way we are. For this particular post, she inspired me to post about heartbreak and why it LITERALLY hurts so bad. She explains that romantic love is like a drug as it releases certain types of hormones that act a lot like dopamine. So, when you break up with a lover the withdrawal is as Louann explains... "as if weaning from a drug." That withdrawal takes over. The reason heartbreak acts as a literal pain because it "triggers the same circuits in teh brain." The chemical shift from high activity of romantic love to the flat loss of grief is a hormonal shift from love's "dopamine" to a black cloud of reality. So now when your heart hurts, you can understand why... not only that but knowing more about your brain and how this pain affects you, you can better deal with it.

How is it that you keep yourself from focusing on other kinds of pain? Wonder why you sleep a lot or watch a lot of tv? Some people work a ton... What are your comforts? What gets you distracted? Work? Hot cocoa? Ramen noodles? Whatever it is, grab hold of it to help comfort your pain.
heartbreak hurts, literally.... and now we know why.
I will be using some exerpts from this book for other posts as they provide great insight for girls like us who are trying to be the best women we can.
Rules Girl
Here you go Louanne, some free advertising... you deserve it.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Love Yourself...

...Or He never will.
What guy wants a girl that doesn't like herself?
Some pine for love, boyfriends, husbands, etc. But don't forget that you have to love yourself first. I just got done reading a memoir about a girl I knew and found it completely frustrating. It was very un-Rules Girlsy and inspired this post.

She didn't know what she believed and all she wanted in life was to be skinny and have a boyfriend. I couldn't take it I was so frustrated throughout the book. She would change her core belief system based on whether a man found her sexy or not. YOU will not. YOU are not that girl. If you looked in the mirror this morning and thought something negative about yourself physically, you need to change your mind. You have the power to change your attitude and especially to love yourself more.

If Mr. Awesome ever does come along, you'll be too wrapped up in thinking about you and how ugly or stupid you are... that you'll miss the cool guy standing in front of you.
Don't miss out. Love... YOU. Give yourself a lil' hugsy
You'll be surprised how when you start loving yourself and enjoying life, love just plops into your lap. SO, Stop thinking about you, and start loving yourself... so that eventually he can too.

Rules Girl

Friday, December 3, 2010

Happy + Track

Sometimes crap happens. It just does, that's life. And it's ok to have "those days"... those days where you're just cranky, feel fat and sick, sad, and just can't get out of your funk. However, Rules Girls try not to spread their negativity. Hide away... cuddle up on the couch with your favorite blanky, book, and tv series. Take the day off emotionally. Don't try too hard... because it just throws you over the edge.

Even Rules Girls feel sensy sometimes, just spread love and not negativity. Don't let your "tude" last too long. Take it easy for a day, then find things that make you happy and keep on truckin'. Get back on the happy track.

Happy + Track. haha

Rules Girl