Thursday, May 28, 2009

Dear Rules Girl - I think he's facebook flirting...

Dear Rules Girl,

I recently started dating someone and things have been going well. However, I caught a case of the Facebook stalks (against THE RULES...I know) and noticed a girl leaving a ton of comments on his page. I get a strange feeling about the whole situation and am considering letting him go. Am I reading too much into the facebook flirting?
Thanks,
Shouldn't have stalked, but we all do... so what now?

Dear Shouldn't have stalked,

The tricky part about our blessed digital world, is that without tone and inflection, words are open for multiple interpretations. It's hard enough to understand people face to face, let alone in the digital realm. Not only that, but the fact that it's another girl posting like whoa can make any girl a little jealous and make things a little bigger than they really are are. We also don't know his relationship with this post-chick... bestie from the past? cousin?... you never know.
Stalking can be used for our advantage or disadvantage. It's not entirely ruled out. But it's when you start to feel as you do, that you should take a step back. Read this post for more on the subject: You're a Stalker, eh so am I

I can't tell you that I know what you should do, but I can tell you what a Rules Girl wouldn't do... Rules Girls don't base decisions on insecurities or digital communication. Take a look at your relationship as it is and base your decisions on that.

Live the relationship as if facebook didn't exist.
buen suerte amiga
XOXO
Rules Girl

*If you decide the posts ARE outright flirty and you want to confront him about the situation, handle with care. Don't go into it coming off as the insecure and jealous girlfriend. This is subject for a future post. Stay tuned.

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Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Rules Girls don't have commitmentphobia


Why ruin a good thing because you're scared?
Life has something to do with learning self mastery.
The mastery of emotion and mind.
So master fear.
Sometimes girls say they are afraid of committment so that guys will be less scared to date them. Guys say they are afraid of committment because they haven't found a girl they want to be committed to yet.
Some girls actually feel the fear.
Some boys actually feel the fear.
If you really are afraid of it, why not be afraid together?

(I mean come on, that's adorable)
Either way.
Master Fear.
Learn the mastery of emotion and mind.
why ruin a good thing because you're scared?
Combat Commitmentphobia
XOXO
Rules Girl


Commitmentphobia oftentimes stems from the desire NOT to be with that person, or that your priorities are in a different order than you thought.
Think about it.

Oh, and by the way. Just because I'm not married. Doesn't mean I'm scared of Commitment.

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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The race is on: Nice Guys Finish Last?

I've been hearing this lately..."Why do girls always go for the bad boys, and mean men? Why do Nice guys always finish last?"
Well... it's because some girls are waiting at the finish line of the WRONG RACE!
let me explain.

Why would we date the meanie-heads?
I wonder what it is about those guys that we like?
They take risks?
They take the lead and do the asking?
mystery?
I don't know.
Whatever it is.
Once they have us, they tend to treat us a little like dirt.
So it never lasts.
Mean guys can run a fast, short distance... a sprint if you will... but they lack the stamina to finish it out. Don't waste your time. They can't keep up.
We keep a steady pace.

(see the sprinters have the tendency to be cocky too)

100meter dash Winner = Bad Boys and Mean Men
Marathon, the mile or even the 4x4 = The Nice Guys
Get it?

Rules Girls don't date Safe guys, but we sure do date the ones that are nice to us.
The mean guys may be hot n'stuff... but it never lasts. We don't need fast. We need strong. The endure to the end kinda guy - a Marathon Man. baha. I make myself laugh.

Ok ok, so sometimes the marathon men are a little skinny.(analogy interpretation of skinny: whatever fault you find in them)
So what.
More benefits for you.

They're nice to you.
They probably aren't on steroids - the mood swings are at a minimum.
They tell you you're pretty.
etc...

Rules Girls stand at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, not the 100 meter dash of the local community college (analogy interpretation: community college = immature). We date Marathon Men, the Nice Men... the kind who think we're pretty n' stuff.

(see! more options than you thought at the Boston Marathon! yay for nice guys)
Date the nice ones.
XOXO
Rules Girl

oh and ps guys: are you trying to date a bad girl?
That might be why she's dating the bad boy...
just fyi.

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Thursday, May 21, 2009

Rules Girls see there is No harm in Flirting a 'lil

Getcha Getcha Getcha Getcha Getchya flirt on.
Don't take a flirt so seriously.
Take it for what it is -which is:
Seeing if it's any fun to be around the person.
There's no shame in a little flirt here or there.
Nobody's in love with anyone.
We're just flirting a little.

(lame pick up lines are my favorite)

The HOW TO of the Rules Girl fLIrT
1. Be approachable. Smile - a big teethy one. Don't enclose your circle of friends, or get too comfy with people you know. (utilize the open body language)
2. Eye Contact: googly eye a little
3. Ask them questions about themselves - give them some attention, make a joke if you're good at that sorta thing. Oh, and don't forget to share a little about you too...
4. Remember: It's not about what you say, but how you say it. Don't be negative, or try too hard to be flashy by saying something you know will make them uncomfortable (that's the opposite of the point).
5. Give a genuine compliment if you're really thinking it.
6. Give a slight touch of the arm as you say goodbye.

Then leave them wanting more and walk away.

Getcha flirt on.
XOXO
Rules Girl

you may think your flirt is more like this... that's fine too :) Just take it up the smallest of notches, so they can get the hint.

*Disclaimer: if you aren't interested in the slightest, I wouldn't suggest flirting too hard core. (common sense/courtesy)

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Slow and Controlled Movements

That's right... slow and steady
movin' it in.
You don't want to just jump into it.
The slower the better.
Get those googly eyes peering straight into them...


(wow is this music set with it amazing or what?)
SLOW AND CONTROLLED movements are key for romancin'.
Some people can pull off the grab the face and smooch approach, but you are less likely to give the person a fat lip, if you are slow and steady. (also, this way if they aren't too sure about it, there's enough tension to keep them hooked. I promise, it works)
hmmm let's think of other examples...
Twilight... bedroom scene. Need I say more?
The slowest and most controlled I've ever seen.
or how about...
Slow and Controlled movements.
XOXO
Rules Girl

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

It takes more than a heart beat, to get me

A glimpse in the mind of a Rules Girl.

Yea, so you make my heart flutter a little.
So what.

So does Shia lebouf, but obvi i'm not going to get involved with that either.
Just a little heads up.
Just because I think you're hot, and I like to be around you...
doesn't mean that I'm A. in love with you
and B. that you're going to "get" me, date me, love me.
Relationships are more than hormones.
You have to actually Like me, and I you for this to work.
The Sounds know what I'm trying to say...







It takes more than a heart beat to get me.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

DOMAIN NAME!

We have a Domain name now! I know, I know... FINALLY! The blogspot address should automatically link you there, but to make things easier all you have to do is type in therulesgirl.com

new logo to come.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Remember if you want to hear about something, have a question in mind... or just need to vent, write me at therulesgirl@gmail.com

Rule # 189 Rules Girls never Fill Voids - we are not just another girl on the list


dun dun dun, the list.
He has tons of chick pals, and you're one of them.
He has tons of girls who want him, and you are maybe kinda one of them.
You see yourself as Another
girl on the list...

It's hard to stick out.
It's hard feel like the cherished close friend,
or even the girlfriend.
You get frustrated.
You feel like you are plain,
unwanted.
but Stop
wait.
don't.
because you are more
than just a girl on a list.


If any type of relationship is making you feel unwanted, rip up the list and get out. You will not be used to fill HIS void.
Find a friend or boyfriend that makes you feel pretty, wanted, and special. Ps. Friends are really good at this.
Don't let yourself feel like just another girl on the list.
Put yourself in a place that makes you feel what you are.
You have the control over how you feel by putting yourself where you feel best.

It's all about the mindset.



XOXO
Rules Girl

Monday, May 11, 2009

You are what you... date.

You can't expect someone to be something, that you're not even willing to be.
Right?
Ok. Concept understood.
You also have to take a looksy from the other direction.
If you're seeing some kind of trend in the type of people you are dating and you don't really like it... take a looksy at who YOU are & what you're portraying.



If you wanna change things up... change things up.
Don't let yourself get caught feeling negative about the fact that...
You are what you... date*.

XOXO
Rules Girl

*OK not really, because I'm not saying that you share the same intersts, have the same strengths and weaknesses, I'm merely conveying the fact that there are reasons for trends. Take control and change it.

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Friday, May 8, 2009

Over-Exposure

Do you ever get bored of people?
your boy even?

Welp.
It's your own fault ya know...
you might have the over-exposure disease.

too much quality time = no good.
So.

What do you do?
You distance yourself (or break up, but let's talk distance). Get a little space, take a little breather and get your head on straight again.


I mean after all... sometimes too much sun is a good thing, a burn can turn into a tan... but a burn on top of a burn can turn into a 3rd degree visit to the hospital.

This usually happens when you're forgetting your own rules of not lingering-too-longering. So fix it. Linger Less(don't be a burnt stinky fish). Distance makes the heart grow something-or-other, so hopefully it's fonder in your case.

Less burn, more tan.

Grow fonder.

XOXO
Rules Girl

RELAX - take it easy

Whoa. breathe a little.

I'm hearing things from both sides that need to be toned down. Not only that but the emotions need to take a break. Dating is not supposed to be such a high stress and serious activity. It should go a little like this:

Like the person, spend some time with them...smooch them a little and like them some more.



Dating doesn't need to be serious or long term. Date them while you like them and take it for what it is.

RELAX take it easy

XOXO
Rules Girl


Dating is a learning activity.
Get out there and get educated.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Dating is a learning activity


so go get educated.


We're dating so we can learn about the person we're with,
relationships... and to even learn about ourselves.


You aren't dating merely to find your 'lifer', remember?
That's why you don't have to be ruled by fear, haunted by pressure or abide by a time line.

Sometimes we forget WHY we're dating...

Get educated.
Knowledge is power.




XOXO
Rules Girl

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Super Heroes + Rules Girls = Love Forever and ever and ever

I have a major thing for Super Heroes...
dun da dah!

the good-guy kind of course.

Why?
Because they are...
Dangerous...
but good.
Strong...
but not always bulging.
Hot
but more because of what they do with their talents than their bone structure.
Passionate & Ambitious
but about things that matter, like fighting for the benefit of mankind.

Batman's anti socialism - hot & Peter broods - even hotter.
As obsessed as I am with Super Heroes... I realize that not all guys can fly, and not all guys can read my thoughts. So I don't expect him to fly me to Paris, or always understand what I'm trying to say because I get that a relationship is a relationship and even super heroes have weaknesses.
Most of their weaknesses are emotional whether it be vengeance, fear, or the damsel...but some have kryptonite, a bad past, or claustrophobia... so give them some time and a chance. We all have things to work through and we can't always premeditate the outcome.

sometimes this one gets a little angry but we still love him.

Don't be out there looking for the perfect being...if you feel the chemistry and he's fighting for the right side, at least give it a try.

Afterall, Super Heroes are people too.
kinda

XOXO
Rules Girl


This one has a little bit of a political agenda... he's the only one I'd be weary of.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Rules Girls like Short Dates


no silly - not THAT kind of short date.

I'm talking... keep the date to a minimum.
As in length... hours, time.
Nobody likes a too-long date.

You know the kind where you did dinner, a movie, dessert, and NOW he wants to watch a movie? uhhhh that's for lovers or daters and we are not either of those two things.

So uh, would you mind keeping it short?
short = sweet
k thanks.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Rule #809 The Particulars of High Fives & three-quarter Hugs

Rules Girls only give horrible, partially-awkward and painful hugs to horrible, partially awkward and painful DATES.

really?
If you have even 4% interest in the guy... DO NOT DO THE FOLLOWING:
Do NOT High Five after a date.
This isn't basketball practice, and if it were, I would highly encourage a 'good game' instead.
Do NOT give partial, awkward and horrible hugs. Like the kind from the side, or anything remotely resembling such. PS. You are not hugging your Great Uncle Mervin you see every 9 years and could possibly break on contact, this one's a real boy.
Don't Pat.
If you feel the hug hug - PAT... warning!
Do NOT ShakeHands. This obviously out of the question - we are not diplomats.

A lady takes a couple steps in all slow & moderate-like, looks in the eye a bit (but not googly), and hugs. If he's half normal, give the full body contact.

Relax, it's just a hug.

oooh I want that one.

XOXO
Rules Girl

(Please note: if the date ultimately sucked, and you feel completely ILL about the guy, you can/should shake his hand, spit in his eye or kick him in the shin according to the severity of lameness)

Friday, May 1, 2009

Rules Girls utilize the Positive Touch

If you like him, utilize some positive touch.


Non-Verbal Communication: Positive Touch -- powered by ExpertVillage.com

Being too girly-touchy is uber annoying and makes you look ridic. Too many hand on arm touches, or standing too close to the guy can be more to your detriment than helpful. However - positive touch does, as Tracy Goodwin says, relay positive emotion.

Show that positive emotion, without throwing yourself at him.
Don't have closed off body language with arms crossed.
Face him.
Give good eye contact.

Give him a little positive touch.


XOXO
Rules Girl