Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Stick It.

Yea that's a cheesy gymnastics movie we all love...
but the phrase explains my point in two short words.

STICK IT.
ok don't stick like THAT.
After you're IN the relationship
there are Rules to be had as well. You don't want to catch and release... you want to STICK IT and after all "Once a Rules Girl... ALWAYS a Rules Girl".
Once you're in a relationship that does not mean you let yourself go. You continue to live your life... AND by the rules. It's often a girls downfall to let go of the Rules too soon in a relationship or... at all. It is after all a mindset.

I've seen and heard it too many times.
"I'm Smothered" he says.... Guys wish that their girlfriends would continue to live by the rules, and that they honestly believe that the relationship would last longer if the girl didn't become more and more "un-ruly". They wish the girl would live her own life and date him at the same time.

She's a sticker.
So these ones are for YOU to remember Relationship-ers...

- Keep him wanting more by not Lingering Too Longering (of course hang out, date, do your thang... but always leave him wanting more.
- Let him do the work. Make suggestions for what you want to do, but don't plan and rule everything.
- Don't try to change him. He is what he is... if you don't like it, let someone else enjoy the guy for who he is... oh yea, and don't make him boring.
- Don't be needy...ew.
- Oh yes, and especially... BE CONFIDENT. There will always be moments of vulnerability in relationships, but continue to be your confident you. You DO NOT need a man to make you feel beautiful and great. Exude that confidence, everyday. He'll love you for it. (and so will others)

Stick It.
XOXO
Rules Girl

Monday, March 30, 2009

Rule #345 - Rules Girls Don't Do CRAZYTOWN

CRAZYTOWN: Population 1.5 million

We don't do the up and down, the stop and go.
We don't do CRAZYTOWN.
We don't do the guys who don't really know what they want, and need time, and want to date around after dating FOR-EV-ERrrrrrrrrrr... because
We Don't DO CRAZYTOWN.
We don't do the run around, the anti-straight forward, the I kinda wanna date you but I'm scared or something un-masculine....
Why? Because we want real men... not a circus.
chant with me now...
We Don't DO CRAZYTOWN.

XOXO
Rules Girl

*we don't do crazytown, but it makes us crazytown... and we don't want guys who want crazytown or who are crazytown. Wave goodbye to crazytown...

Friday, March 27, 2009

Guys Don't Date...Cut them a little slack

I was referred to this post by a friend, http://mormoninmanhattan.blogspot.com/2009/03/ive-had-many-request-to-go-toe-to-toe.html

And of COURSE it's the Rules Girl way to be asked out... However, I'm starting to see a cycle in our culture that makes me a little nervous. Some are whining about a problem, that is often a direct reflection of their actions or thoughts. (that doesn't mean it's ok for a guy to not buck-up and ask the pretty, cool, awesome, amazing girl out... it just means that if we are putting pressure on, we need to reflect, recognize, and back the heck off)

Guys do try. Of course they need a kick in the pants every so often, but part of the reason they may not be asking girls out as often as they probably should... could be because some girls give the impression that dating has to be serious.

Another reason could be that these guys may also understand the importance of marriage a little more and it sometimes gives them the heebie jeebies to think of the word 'forever'. Let's not frighten the poor lad - take it easy.

(I don't like to recognize a problem and just shove it in your face with no opinion
on how to take action for change.)

So...
So what can we do?
Keep the balance.
Stay sane.
Don't take dating too seriously.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Rules Girls are never too cool for school..

I've come across some Rules Girls who are not only territorial, but act strange or stand-offish toward their girlfriends while with the male of their choice.

Rules Girls don't shun their girlfriends by acting a little strange around the male folk. You are NOT too cool for school (because nobody likes people like that anyway) and you are not too consumed trying to trance him with your beauty to pay attention to your
friends in fair doses.

see look, she's totes shafting her gf behind her because the guy in the next car over is a hottie.
ugh. rude.

Rules Girls don't act too-cool toward ANYONE
The less too-cool we act, the more friends we'll have, the more hobbies we'll try, and the more guys we'll date.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Rule #19 NEVER talk about "potentials" in front of "potentials"

Sometimes I just say stupid things... HOWEVER

You should NEVER talk about potential men... in front of potential men...

Obvs, right?

Dear Rules Girl,
I'm friends with a guy, and I accidentally talked a lot about another guy that I like.
What do I do?
Sincerely,
-Oops

It's hard to fix a situation like this. NEVER talk too much about what you've crazy fun you have with some other guy. It's smart to mention your busy or that you went on a date in the past, but please NEVER talk about potentials, in front of potentials. In order to fix it you're def going to have to throw the "friend" word out there about this other guy and then try not to talk about him... pretty much EVER.

I know you're friends with lots of guys... but keep it to yourself to a certain extent.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Monday, March 23, 2009

Dear Male Readers, (An Interpersonal communication Hyper-overdrive faux-pas)

Dear Male Readers,

I'm infuriated.

You know when you call someone and they aren't really listening to you talk, they're just responding with "ok... hmmmm, yea ... uh huh..." in all the wrong ways and places so you end up getting super annoyed because you know they aren't ACTUALLY listening to what you're saying?

Well...There are these guys that seem to WANT a relationship and even LIKE the girl... but they can't make it work because they can't concentrate on what's in front of them for two seconds. They may not know it... but that's WHY they aren't in the relationship. I think of it as they have all these balls up in the air and they're trying to juggle them all so they can't concentrate on just one thing. They're too... hyper. For example, they're looking around the room at social functions to see who else is there while they're talking to you or they call you to chit-chat while they're with a billion other people. uh no. Just doesn't work.

This is a future hyper-overdrive guy with lots of air-balls - see what I mean. YIKES.

This interpersonal communciation faux-pas is such a shame.
Take the time to concentrate on what really matters.
Pay attention to the person you are speaking with.

Sometimes this happens when a person is just NOT INTERESTED... however, the situations I'm infuriated about... are the ones where the guy likes the girl but isn't getting through to her because he's too busy miscommunicating his feelings by being on hyper-overdrive.

concentrate

XOXO
Rules Girl

*this can of course be girls too... but this particular post... is to you dear dear guys

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Sunday, March 22, 2009

#34 Rules Girls Never TRY TOO HARD

Go with the flow and be yourself.
It's unnecessary and even debilitating to be over eager and try too hard. Rules Girls don't push themselves into the face of their man. If you attend an event where he is as well, you don't have to be near them the entire time. Make yourself known with a hello and some quality conversation and then be on your way. Honestly, if he's not into it... he's not going to be anymore into it if you smother him with yourself.


This picture creeps me out, but it pretty much sums it up. In the end... the eager cat will still be eager, and the lazy cat will still be lazy.

XOXO
Rules Girl

For more on the subject:
Don't Open up Too Fast
Smothered

Friday, March 20, 2009

TOP Rules Girls Posts

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Guaranteed

I can't emphasize ENOUGH, how the Rules benefit you.

The following are guaranteed as a Rules Girl:
1. Less anxiety wondering if they're going to respond well because
you're not initiating... you merely facilitate.
2. You don't have to over analyze and complicate things, you just
pretty much wait for them to show interest and continue living your full life.
3. You stay sane and don't date someone who thinks of you as a mere convenience.

Don't compromise your Rules Girl-ness because YOU think it's a good idea.
See the bigger picture.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

RE-POST! Red-Light Green-light: Hand holding made easy

It's important for both guys and girls to understand these cues. They're pretty much unwritten, aren't they? (Please do us all a favor, and forward to those who need the lesson)


The colors on my stop-lights are off in this pic for some reason, so bear with me.

Red Light: Arms crossed or somehow extremely "unavailable" screaming "STOP! DO NOT HOLD MY HAND!". This could get confusing when you're transitioning from what I like to call friend to friendlier or you're just... friends (wait for future post on this topic) because it's also very comfortable. hmmmm, tricky.
Women: Utilize if you are not interested.

Yellow Light: This is the hardest 'light'. Just as if you're debating whether or not to hit the gas and drive through the red light, you also might feel like you should stop... just to be safe. It's a gamble. Yellow light gestures include a very light crossing of the hands in the lap, slightly interlaced fingers, or the famous "twiddle". The bod can't help itself when it's nervous or anxious, it has to move (*hence why people bite nails etc).
Men: This is a position that leaves the girl 'free' enough for her hand to be held, but not vulnerable. Many confident, but not aggressive girls (aka many Rules Girls, but not all) utilize this technique. It also means you aren't repulsive. (phew!)

Green Light: HELLO WORLD! I AM READY FOR A HAND HOLD! Green light consists of palms up or obviously placed on the legs ready and willing to be held.
Men: Hold her hand or take note that it's time for you to run the other way if you're otherwise interested.
Women: Don't be a diva and pull this move if you don't want the guy to hold your hand. It's common-girl-sense not to do such things.

Uh-oh. Sweaty hands? (I get them too) Here are the **two best techniques...
1. Put them in your pockets and wipe it off (gross, but whatevs... we do what we gotta do)
2. Place something cold on your wrists. If you have the tendency to be clammy, get a diet coke and place your wrists on the cold drink while watching the movie(because DUH you're probs totes watching a movie on hand-hold night, he set it up like that on purpose... if he's smart).

Best of luck & Report back. therulesgirl@gmail.com
XOXO
Rules Girl

*source: Reading People by Jo-Ellan Dimitrius
**source: Tonya Reiman

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Don't Open Up Too Fast

You know that feeling... when you consume something cold
way too fast?
A frosty... slurpee... ice cream...

You push your hand against your head wishing the dreaded brain freeze would stop!! AAACK
Same concept.



Sometimes we all open up and get into the serious conversation way too fast for our own good. We start talking about deep emotions that may radiate some kind of past tension or negative emotion.... ew

I'm not saying you should be superficial and only talk about your favorite movies, I'm just saying...
Don't talk about these and much more:

#1. Your dating past. uhhh no - spare us all
#2. Your beef with someone from high school (get real, it's high school)
#3. How your father scarred you for life.
#4. Financial Woes
#5. Your need for lovin'
#6. Your foul relationship with your siblings
#7. Your dislike... for anyone is completely off limits
#8. Anything else heavy should be left for after they actually know you

Ideas of what you SHOULD talk about:

#1. Common interests (music, politics, movies, SNL, sci-fi, card games, saving the whales)
#2. Food n' stuff
#3. Ideas and Ambitions
#4. Travel Plans
#5. Why you love the ocean or being barefoot

make sense?
Laugh instead of cry together...

Oh FYI: The person also may end up feeling sorry for you instead of actually liking you. Nobody likes to be the pitied friend... so please don't pull this card.
Avoid giving someone a Brain Freeze
leave a little info for later
(A Rules Girl always leaves them wanting more)


Don't be the brain freeze... let them SAVOR YOUR FLAVOR (baha)

XOXO
Rules Girl

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Monday, March 16, 2009

Rules #123 BE the Dateable you strive for...



Take a step back.
It's hard to distinguish whether you're striving for great... or non-existent.
It's also a hard reality when you realize that what you're striving for is something you aren't willing to even live up to yourself.

If you're expecting him to be passionate and ambitious... maybe you should be too. If you're expecting him to be supportive and kind... maybe you should be too... if you don't want him to sit around and watch TV all day... maybs you shouldn't be either...
right?

be the dateable you already are... and cut him a little slack,,, he's not perfect either

XOXO
Rules Girl

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Rule #2: Marriage thoughts are NULL on first dates

Ok.
I'm being serious now.
This topic really gets me.
STOP analyzing whether or not you could marry the guy by first glance, or even the first date. For heavens sakes... Rules Girls take one step at a time! Maybe you should consider, would I ever DATE this guy... THEN take it from there. If you're really struggling with keeping your head on straight and have been tripping up because you get scared too soon, please utilize these steps below to make your relationships actually get somewhere...

1st Step: Recognizing you have a problem - A lot of girls don't realize that they do this. If you've been on a lot of first dates, but have been single for longer than 4 years, please take this into consideration. (that doesn't mean it's you, but it doesn't hurt to consider)


this song doesn't apply to you until later in the game
2nd Step: Could you go on a Date with him? aka. Are you attracted to him? Is he a good guy? If you just answered both of these questions then what the heck?! Go on a date.

3rd Step: After you've been out with them, could you go out with them again? Was he nice? Was he even slightly interesting? If you answered yes to these questions Go on date #2.

4th Step: After you've been on a couple dates with the guy and are feeling pretty good about the situation, DO NOT THINK " I couldn't marry him, he parts his hair to the side" because that's dumb. DO THINK: Could I kiss him? This is often a great indicator of whether or not your subconscious (psh get real... you're perfectly conscience of this) is interested in the guy.

5th Step: After you've kissed the darling chap and continue having hearts for him then duh... keep dating him unless there is a serious indidcator that you shouldn't or you're feeling some kind of anxiety... you don't have to instantly KNOW that you should marry the poor dear.

Guaranteed if you have marriage on the brain at first site, he's going to RUN or you're going to RUN.

Stop both from running and nullify the marriage thoughts.

XOXO
Rules Girl
Disclaimer: I am not feelings telling you not the date the person, or saying that you should date someone with a record. OF COURSE Rules Girls only date GREAT guys... this is just me saying not to think about marriage too soon. Kapish?

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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Rule #899 Be your best kind of Gorgeous

Rules Girls are stunning. We can't help ourselves.
RULE #899

Be your best kind of Gorgeous

I'm not talking 80's prom face on or anything...
I'm just saying Rules Girls don't forget the mascara or gloss. Make sure you look the beautiful that you really are. So you're a natural beauty, I get it... kinda? but still... you can emphasize your natural beauty with some blush or eyeliner. NO CAKING IT ON. That is not what I'm saying. We are women of balance and even coverage. We just wear what's necessary to make us look alive and stunning. My latest goal is to always have makeup on when I leave the house...this is elementary for many Rules Girls... but for this Hippy Rules Girl... I'm still working on it.

Rules Girls also have awesome bods.
Ok ok, so maybe we FEEL like we do, but we're no Jessica Alba or anything. We're NORMAL ... NORMAL = PRETTY without hiring the most expensive personal trainer or even having everything Sephora. We like to FEEL good. We don't like to feel icky and fat. We combat that with some time in the open air, on the elliptical, and with less chocolate. (chocolate is divine of course, but once again... women of balance)

We Don't eat crap all the time.

never trust a talking pop-tart
Anyone who eats crap ALL THE TIME is not a Rules Girl. We LOVE treats, but Rules Girls also like their bodies... End of Story.

Be your best kind of Gorgeous

XOXO
Rules Girl

Monday, March 9, 2009

toxic VS anti-oxidant relationships

Rules Girls + toxic relationships = non existent.



Do you have a toxic relationship?

Why are you torturing yourself? Get rid of the pain. Let yourself move on...It can be hard to find the anti-oxidant relationships, but you will in time. HOWEVER - most of the time we already have anti-oxidant relationships that we could be investing more into and we were too busy investing in the toxins.

Rules Girls take Dad's advice and ALWAYS kick the mean boys in the shins (whether it's mentally or literally). We live life to the fullest, meaning we live a life FULL of people who reciprocate our love for them. If they are rude to us in frustration of their insecurities... they are toxic. We aren't afraid to start new (ok, maybe a little... but we still do go forward full force in feeding the relationships that ARE NOT toxic)

find and intake the anti-oxidants.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Thursday, March 5, 2009

I broke a rule - How to recover from a rule break:

I broke a rule...
an
d now I must pay.



BEING IN THE RULES GIRL PENALTY BOX

How to recover from a rule break:

Become the strictest of Rules Girls to redeem yourself so you don't look desperate, needy, or too interested. Maybe double response time for a few times of contact.

They text... wait a little longer to respond.

They call... let it go to voicemail and return it later.
They e-mail... wait to respond twice as long as you normally would.

Do whatever you have to do, to redeem your Rules Girl status and to show them... who will chase who.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

He's needy....RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Rules Girls don't date needy, possessive, insecure boys.
Instead of having fun you're too busy reassuring them of their beauty... uh no. That's THEIR job, we're the pretty ones.

We don't need to be with someone all the time and neither should they. If you spot one or get a hug like that and see that he's googly eyeing you...
RUN!
We'd rather be alone than some kind of reassuring talking mirror on the wall.

XOXO
Rules Girls

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Break up - Follow up (I'm about to throw-up) e-mail

Dear Past lover,

I just needed some closure (even though we already hashed it out and have been having problems or anxiety for months) and needed to tell you that I care about you and that I'll miss you. I hope this wasn't a mistake... BLAH BLAH BLAH ew.

Love,
NON-Rules Girl

Yikes.
Rules Girls Don't do it.
What does it accomplish anyway, other than make you look desperado. You already had a 2+ hour break-up conversation that pretty much said it all, YOU BROKE UP.
Have you ever gotten back together by sending that e-mail, text, making that phone call?
Yes, maybe you did... but then you just either broke up again or nothing else happened until HE initiated. Even if he initiates it again later, use your noggin' and recognize if it's REALLY worth it or not or if you're just with him because it's comfortable and you don't want to be alone.

Rules Girls are NOT AFRAID OF BEING ALONE.

DO NOT SEND THE FOLLOW UP BREAK UP e-mail...
listen to the beatles, let it be if you have to for motivation.
Leave the guy alone, for both of your sakes.
who wants to be with someone that doesn't want them anyway?
not a Rules Girl...

XOXO
Rules Girl

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Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Take it for WHAT IT IS

Rules Girls do NOT over analyze a date, a guy, a situation... or life. Some of us may be analysts, and even thrive on the drama... but we don't *over-analyze.
This is not the workforce, nor is he data... this is dating and he is a man.
uck. torture.

hmmm actually maybe this is useful....

There are of course things to think about, cues to recognize, gender differences to take note of and sometimes some games to play... but does it help you to *over-analyze??
Nope.
So knock it off because you're way too busy being fun, normal and beautiful.

PLUS then it just ends up being a random bonus if they DO heart us.
We end up pleasantly surprised.
(that's the only way these things happen anyway)

Go Be pleasantly surprised.

XOXO
Rules Girl
*definition of over-analyzing: to dissect every word or action the poor guy does to try and make yourself seem loved by him.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

un-fulfilling

Conversation between Rules Girls:

Rules Girl 1: That was fun (after an outing with friends and men), but not quite as "fulfilling" as we were hoping...

Rules Girl 2: Yea, I'm feeling the same way.

Rules Girl 1: Mehr.

Rules Girl 2: Yea, Welp. So what's next?

Then we planned...

Once you feel the funk coming on... even in the slightest... change your mind!! Start planning and get going on a new topic, the next step in your life, or your other passions to focus on or look forward to. It's the only way to A. stay sane and B.... stay sane.

So moral of the story... if you felt un-fulfilled after an outing, date, unsuccessful man-looking for, etc... then start planning. Start planning your next adventure, event, your passions, and get going on the next big thing.

Don't get caught in the un-fulfilled rut...Change your mind.

XOXO
Rules Girl