Saturday, February 28, 2009

"You're not the exception..."

"...You're the rule"
you sure ARE the rule...

I don't know how you felt about the movie, "He's just not that into you"... but some of those situations were just straight up PAINFUL. Probably because they were REAL. It reminded me of so many Rules Girls concepts... especially that Rules Girls DO NOT give their friends false hopes. Encouragement yes, but false hopes... no.

DO NOT FEED IN TO THE CRAZINESS.
Be a pal and be straight up in the nicest way possible.
Easier said than done...you have to do a lot of listening before you can let out the truth.
Sometimes you just have to wait and not say anything for a while, until it gets
completely out of hand. Then when they even mention they might be getting crazy, jump on in there with truth.

You're also not the Exception.

As said on the movie, girls always want to give their girlfriends hope in ridiculous scenarios, pretending the guy actually likes them when in all reality we're fully aware a guy in love, like, or anything else, does not treat his girl like dirt.

I know you are sometimes (maybe subconsciously) looking for the exception and hoping you ARE the exception to the rule, but you're not. If you find yourself thinking you're the exception... or hoping you will be... STOP. YOU have the power to end things, to move on, and to find something better.

Do yourself a favor, get rid of the bad in your life. Be you, love it, enjoy life... exude confidence.
XOXO
Rules Girl

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Friday, February 27, 2009

You don't owe them ANYTHING back

Sometimes when we receive a gift from a guy...
We often feel pressure to like the guy, or give him multiple chances...

To a certain point we do... or maybe only a thank you.

I wonder what's in there to make her so happy?
anyway...

A gift can only do so much. We love gifts, but we don't take gifts in place of a functioning relationship.

There are many situations to take into consideration concerning gifts...

Here are some examples:
- If they are creepy, then you say thank you a couple days later.
- If you have been dating a while you owe them a thank you and smooch (this whole concept gets more complicated in serious relationships)
- If it's a horrible gift you owe them... a thank you


ok so if the "gift" is the key to his heart... uh, that may be a diff story

Just remember that you don't have to be in a relationship with someone or even LIKE them if they give you a gift. THEY are giving you a gift to show you affection, not to ask for it. (ok, so maybe they are because a lot of guys are all about the *ROI, but still...) say Thank you, and remember that just because they gave you a gift does NOT mean you have to love them forever and always.

XOXO
Rules Girl


*Return on Investment = what they get out of it

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Facilitation and Exposure

The How-to's on Facilitating and Exposure
The BEST thing you can do, is you can REACH OUT AND KISS 'EM!


just kidding baha

Honestly, there are really only 3 main things that you can do. If nothing stems from these tactics, you either have to be patient, or you move on realizing that they aren't taking the bait.

#1.
GO to things!!! We have the tendency to be tired or feeling like we just want to hang out with the "same old, same old" crowd, but DO NOT GIVE IN! Go to new things, support parties and events going on ... it will open more doors and give you exposure. Being exposed and ALWAYS MAKING NEW FRIENDS are key.

hint: Subjecting yourself to a big setting, will get you into the small settings, so don't shy away from the biggies... they are what get you into the intimate settings that bring the best moments of facilitation. Don't know how to act at these events? Shy? or anything else???? BE YOURSELF. You'll naturally draw people to you as you are confident in who you are and show interest in others. Promise.

#2. Throw a party and
invite him and his friends (if you know them). Mass e-mails to events... or when you see him tell him about a group outing or mention something you're doing that you know he's interested in. In this scenario, you're being proactive - without breaking rules! Remember not to invite them to everything you do, or too often. If they don't accept after a while, pull the plug...

#3.
Stop. Collaberate and listen.

Talk it out with the wingwomen in your life, your gf's your collaborators... bounce ideas off your sista friends. They'll help you know what to do. Make note:
disclaimer: could come off as slightly harsh, but please understand... If you know the guy really well and nothing is happening... he's probably not interested (note to guys... if you ARE interested - ask her out, you fool)

If you feel that you are doing these things and not dating etc, don't be weary... Just keep meeting new people, and don't define success as a date. We define success as healthy relationships and a confident outlook on life.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Monday, February 23, 2009

Who are the Rules Girls "Dateables"


What defines a Rules Girl Dateable anway?

Are we those crazy girls that have such high expectations that no man could ever amount, or ANYONE for that matter? Do we strive for perfection and quixotic romantic ideals of what a relationship and man should be?

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you not know us already? psh.
Here is a simple list that fits every Rules Girls Dateable:

1. Fresh Breath
2. A good guy (but not safe) aka. Same moral standards
(because yes, we def have them) but not boring
3. Feelin' the chemistry (obvs)
4. Someone we can have a great conversation with and laugh really hard with
5. A guy who knows what they want (aka: us lol) and
who are not just sitting around waiting for life to fulfill itself.
6. Trustworthy
7. Not kissing other girls and us, while being unwilling to commit. (ew)

Is this too much to ask?
Some of you may say yes... that's because YOU'RE either
A. NOT a Rules Girl or B. Aren't a Dateable.

Sorry to be blunt... but those 7 things are NOT too much to ask for.

We do not specify hair or eye color, height, likes, dislikes, or make long lists or what we "want"... merely the 7 most important things above are those for the Rules Girl. If you have anymore to add to the list, please write in to therulesgirl@gmail.com or give us a comment!

XOXO
Rules Girls

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On the Prowl - for a Rules Girl DateAble...

I'm no hunter by any means (because that's the man's job), however...
I am always keeping my eyes open for a Rules Girl Date-ABLE


oh don't get me wrong, we like someone kissable and eating anything chocolate of course...but we're talking dateables here - kissables is for later! (teeth brushing is a must)
for the definition of a Rules Girl Dateable, please see next post

Once I've spotted one... A Rules Girl DateAble that is, it can be tricky to manuever our way to meeting them or to get up the courage to do so. Rules Girls are all about facilitating and we also love our besties, so when we put the two together... TADA! Success. I can just smell it's sweetness.

Rules Girls don't ask guys out, but we sure do open doors so that they'll ask us. Don't forget about your Rules Girls gf's that can help you facilitate the perfect situation to meet Mr. Handsome, or to invite Mr. Funky Fresh Hipster boy over to hang out.

Don't USE your girls, love them, utilize them. They'll know it and be happy to help a sista out. Rules Girls Date-ABLES are hard to come by, so when we've spotted the lid to our pot, we do what we gotta do.

Happy Man Hunting (clear throat) I mean, leaving your eyes open for the next elligable Rules Girl DateAble

XOXO
Rules Girl

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Friday, February 20, 2009

Man's Guide to Modern-Day Etiquette

http://www.asylum.com/2009/02/13/dont-be-a-cad-a-guys-guide-to-modern-day-etiquette/?icid=aimDBDL2_link1-a

"They say that manners are the glue that hold society -- not to mention many relationships -- together. Problem is, modern society has run amok with new ways to communicate and shifting roles for men and women. This leaves us many opportunities to mess up royally. So how to behave these days? Following are 20 potentially awkward social situations and how to deal. Now you have no excuse to be a cad."

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Loiter-ers (loitering bf's)


baha
Those guys that break up with you over and over and over and over and hurt you over and over and over again... but still just keep on a-comin'. I like to call them, the Loiter-ers. Here are some words from Orson Scott Card about "He's just not that into you"...

A Crime of Heart... Breaking up with her and yet still hanging around, giving her hope that you will get back together when in fact you are merely lonely and using her till you find somebody better.

Tell the truth. Do it kindly, but do it. "I don't see this turning into any kind of long-term relationship, and I'm not going to waste your time or mine, when we ought to be finding someone else."

You might preface it with something decent and polite: "You're attractive and admirable. You're exactly the kind of woman I want to want to marry. But I'm not actually interested in marrying you, for reasons I don't understand and won't try to explain."

After you realize it yourself, the sooner you say it the better. And then get out of her life. Don't hang out with her. Even if you think she's "over you," she's not. There you are, a constant reminder that you didn't want her.

Don't send her little presents. Don't call her up and chat. Don't ask her for favors. Because that's what a guy who's courting a woman would do, and you're not that guy. Stay broken up. Go away.

Gotta love Orson Scott Card

XOXO

Rules Girl

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Emotional Throw up

Ew.

DO NOT EMOTIONALLY VOMIT on your man.


I'm totes cringing as I look at this. I know it's a guy, but he REALLY shouldn't be emo-vomiting either.

If you feel it coming on, rising up your throat about to surge out... RUN RUN RUN, or you could just swallow it and teach yourself a lesson not to be so acidic anyway.

You especially don't want to emotionally vomit on your man too early in the game. As things get serious he's going to have to see ALL sides of you of course, but then again who likes to be the receptacle of emotional vomit... EVER? That's right, nobody does. It's just extremely messy, stinky and DOES NOT leave you wanting more. Rules Girls ALWAYS leave them wanting more. We never give them too much, especially not of our emo-vom (emotional vomit).

Girls aren't as emo as some say we are, but we do have the tendency to be more sensitive and emotional... DUH we have estrogen... HOWEVER - keep the emo vomit to a minimum, ok?

Swallow it by talking to a gal pal, mom, write in a journal, compose a song or go for a really long hard run. Get it out, but not vomiting on your poor lover. Of course he cares about you and wants to hear about how you feel...but whoa...

Happy and hard swallows!

XOXO
Rules Girl

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Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Yield The Sprinters!

Proceed with caution.
This is a holla’ to the men and the women…


You know those guys that move a little fast? (ok, or girls...) You can tell they like you, but they’re moving a little fast for your taste? Well, slow it down. I mean, no brakes… just a little, yield. Move along with him, but at your comfort level (I’m not saying wait months to kiss the poor fellow, I’m saying don’t let the emotions, words and actions get out of control…) These guys can be trouble, because YOU aren’t even what ends the relationship... THEY ARE. These are the kind that sprint when they should be marathon-ing. They run too fast, and end up geting burnt out, just only to find that running isn’t even a contact sport! They ruined it for themselves.

Dating is not a sprint, it’s a rizuff marathon. It takes a little training and exercise, then… it’s a long freaking haul. You have to steady the pace and go with the flow. If you force it, you end up dying of either thirst, a cramp, or gasp for air.
Ok, ok you need an example. Did he want to spend every day with you early in the game? Did he try to kiss you on the first date? Meet your family uncomfortably too early...Get it?

So moral of the run… slow and easy wins the race. Don’t get physical, emotional, or just run crazy speedy Gonzales-y too fast.


XOXO
Rules Girl

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Dear Rules Girl - Sick of Games!


no games?!?!? but twister is FUN!
jk. Well i'm not, but I am. Moving on.

Dear Rules Girl,

So, I was at a party and I found myself in an engaging conversation with a very nice woman. As the conversation was coming to a close and I was about to leave I said that I would like to take her out and asked for her number. It seemed as though she was happy to give me the number and pleased with my confident way to go straight to the issue. Anyway . . . I called a few days later; knowing that she would be busy on the Sunday and Monday following the party. I left a message asking her to call me back, knowing that Tuesday or Wednesday is the absolutely last day you can ask a woman out for the weekend. She didn't call back.

Is there a right time to call her again, or did she just give me her number to be nice, or something else.

Yours,
Sick of the Games.


Dear Sick of the Games,

Before I say anything, please don’t give up on us. With that said...

If a Rules Girl is interested in you, she’ll call you back. It may not be within 24 hours… or even 48, but it’s definitely within 72. As the dating enthusiast you seem to be, you won’t take this blow too hard though. Better to know now, than learn 3 dates later when you try to cuddle or kiss the girl and end up struggling through a serious blow to your masculine ego. Fortunately for you… there are so many options. The “game” can be hard, but from experience I hope it’s gone well for you in the past… if not, have you ever rushed a relationship, the physical… the emotional attachment… too much communication…and you ended up “just not feeling” it or hit a dead end? This is why the game works and that I encourage keeping and playing your part.

Cheer up Charlie, there could be a few reasons as to why she didn’t call you back. Work down the checklist below to find the reason your girl didn’t call. If the first three aren’t options, then the fourth is probably and unfortunately, the one. Use your sources to mark off options, and to answer your question as to why your call went unreturned (good luck).

Reasons Why A Rules Girl wouldn’t call back:

  1. You didn’t leave your phone number and it didn’t show up on her missed calls. So think back, did you leave your number?
  2. She may have been interested, but recently found someone else?
  3. Something serious happened.
  4. She’s just not interested.

I hope you ended up landing at #1 and you call her back for try #2. I encourage you in further endeavors… don’t give up.Thanks for your letter.

XOXO

Rules Girl

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Anti Oxidant Relationships

Rules Girls + toxic relationships = non existent.



Do you have a toxic relationship?

- Do you feel a little hurt when you leave or get off the phone with them?
- Have you communicated your frustration and they still feed into it?
- Have you separated yourself thinking it would help, and it didn't?

Why are you torturing yourself?
Get rid of the pain. Let yourself move on...It can be hard to find the anti-oxidant relationships, but you will in time. HOWEVER - most of the time we already have anti-oxidant relationships that we could be investing more into and we were too busy investing in the toxins.

Rules Girls take Dad's advice and ALWAYS kick the mean boys in the shins (whether it's mentally or literally). We live life to the fullest, meaning we live a life FULL of people who reciprocate our love for them. If they are rude to us in frustration of their insecurities... they are toxic. We aren't afraid to start new (ok, maybe a little... but we still do go forward full force in feeding the relationships that ARE NOT toxic)

find and intake the anti-oxidants.

XOXO
Rules Girl

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Monday, February 16, 2009

Don't try to make him something else... something boring.

"A Battle to fight. An Adventure to live. A Beauty to rescue. This is what a man longs for. This is what makes him come alive. Look at the films men love. For that matter, look at the dreams of little boys, the games they play. There is something fierce, passionate, and wild in the heart of every man. Simply look at the dreams and desires written in the heart of every boy: To be a hero, to be a warrior, to live a life of adventure and risk." - John Eldredge

Guys were built for adventure, for the wilderness, for strength, to fight, to win, to be fierce. Rules Girls would NEVER emasculate them by trying to "tame" them or make them "safe" or to even worse, have them abandon their desires. ICK. Who wants a "safe" (aka boring) man. Not me, not this Rules Girl. I want one like this...


or like this...

or this...


or this...

ok well... you know what I mean.

As C.S. Lewis said, "Men aren't meant to be safe, they are meant to be good".

A man can still be good, and be adventurous. Aren't the wild and adventurous kind more attractive anyway? Isn't a man full of life, and excitement far more easy to be fascinated by than one that sits in front of the TV and wishes he COULD be a man? (watching TV isn't horrible of course, but you know what I'm saying... nobody likes a bore)

Men are men, and need to do what it takes to find and keep their masculinity. They will ride the horse, fight the bad guy, throw rocks, catch fish, play football and win the girl... because that's what they were made to do.

As a Rules Girl don't try to tame him or make him something else... something boring. Don't ask that he stop wanting to take adventures or try to make him like the things you like. What draws you to him is the man he is. So let him BE THE MAN. Let him do the things he likes to do because it gives you the time to do the things that YOU like to do.

Let him be a man, and encourage him to do so. We could use a few more real men around anyway...

oh yea... and the great thing about a masculine man... is that he LOVES the ladies :) I mean think James Bond, Indiana Jones, John Wayne... ay curumba...

XOXO
Rules Girl
Source of thoughts: Wild at Heart - discovering the secrets to a man's soul

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Thursday, February 12, 2009

Dreading Valentine's Day?

Dreading V-day?
Well....DONT.
Because Rules Girls don't dread such things...


However...Mr. He might be... but who knows because just like girls... all guys are different. Some guys hate it, some love it and others are indifferent. But who doesn't like getting a present and some smoochin' ANY day of the week? Us ladies sure don't mind it.

Valentines Day or any holiday with gift giving involved can cause some serious anxiety and strain on the relationship. The guys worry that if they do something great for their gal on Valentine's Day there will be "expectations" for the future. They're OBSESSED with the future expectations...OR they're scared that their gift will be too much or not enough. Girls are worried about how much they should give, spend, what they should expect and what the heck does the GIRL do?? psh. I don't know all the answers, but here's something I can say from... the unemotionally involved in your relationship outer perspective...

Valentines Day advice to relationship-ers:

RELAX about the gifts...remember WHY you're doing it. Be extra nice and understanding on Valentine's day and not the opposite... expectant.

Valentine's Day advice for...all the single ladies:

Enjoy another day to show people you care about them, to embrace your singlehood, watch some girly movies and to go see Shopoholic!


Happy Valentine's Day!

XOXO
Rules Girl

Don't show more affection than you feel

I've done this.
What happened was this...

I was just being a normal girl... I was feeling like I liked the guy, but I didn't know how much or how long it would last or blah blah blah and my noggin' went crazy with the analytics. HOWEVER - I didn't want to lose the chance of giving the relationship a shot, so I overcompensated and showed a little more than I felt.

Yikes. Ya know those people who talk before they think? Yea, same thing except for it's a little different type of speaking. Afterward, you wish you could stick your foot in your mouth.


yummayyyy

This is a Rules Girls no-go. First of all we never put our feet in our mouth.
Secondly and more importantly, by showing more affection... it could be too much for the poor fellow. You don't want to drive the guy away thinking that you have "stronger feelings for him, than he does for you" EEEEEEEEK! That's the worst thing in the world...ESPECIALLY IF IT ISN'T TRUE!

RULES GIRLS do NOT show more affection than they feel. If anything HOLD BACK A LITTLE!!! We keep ourselves in check trying to portray a balance between our brain and heart (minus the wig outs and crazy girl emotions that go on every so often). We are honest with ourselves and even with our special guy if the words need to be spoken.

In Pride and Prejudice (we're girls, we can use Jane Austen references, right?) Charlotte tells Lizzy that Jane should show more affection than she feels to Mr. Bingley. It turned out that Darcy ended up convincing Mr. Bingley that she wasn't into him... THIS is when you have to take into accord the balance of it all. DEFINITLY show affection and the "like" you feel or whatevs... just don't show, speak, or portray more than you actually do. Make sense?

I'm sure many don't fall into this trap. Congrats and high-fives to you... but for the rest of us it's a hard balance to hold onto.

To sum it all up: Think, Feel and Balance before you Speak, Portray, or Drive him away


XOXO
Rules Girl

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Rule # 265 Always End Calls FIRST

By ending the call first... you leave him wanting more.

Girls... we LOVE to blab... HOWEVER, one of our biggest faults is talking to guys like they are our best girlfriend we've been dramatic with since age 8. Still be yourself of course, but maybe cut a little of the fluff.

Homeboy doesn't want to listen to his *gossipy mom or chatterbox younger sister, he wants to talk to the intellectual, fun and flirty you. He doesn't want to hear what you ate for lunch, the conversation you had with your co-worker about highlighters, or how your hands were cold at on the train. Have a point to the story, or don't... but keep it short. (I'm exaggerating to make a point of course, use whatever discretion in your story-telling that you think is Rules Girl applicable).

Remember to say goodbye in a very kind and genuine way. Because you sure are glad that you have on that calls!!! Oh yea, and you aren't being cruel by ending the conversation first... you're *doing everyone a favor.

Leave him wanting more.

XOXO
The Rules Girl

*The Rules Time tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right. (yes, this book is actually good and extremely ridiculous.)

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Never bitter...


Lost Faith in Mans... kind?

I would too, if mine looked like that.

Yea... I feel the same way sometimes. It feels like there isn't anyone out there to date or that all guys are jerks or that everyone who asks you out, is either weird or you JUST DONT FEEL THE CHEMSITRY. blah.

Guys can be jerks, clueless, or just plain ridiculous... but we will never be bitter because they are people too. Crazy, I know. Don't be too hard on them...(but don't be dumb either)

idk exactly what's happening in this pic... but Rule #890 don't date him if he's wearing leopard print...

When you're feeling the bitter breeze blow your way...broaden your horizon. I know it sounds ridic... but it's true. Look out and see the 'other ones' out there. They're not too far. Whether you are or aren't feeling the chemistry with one... find one to talk to in order to restore your faith. I'm sure you can reach one of them by gchat or telephone at least. Talk to an old friend, a cousin a brother... anyone that will help you restore your faith. And ANYONE other than an old ex!

These are the times when we tend to turn to good memories of those passed (passed bf's not dead people silly). It's dangerous to think of them because you often dream them to be better than they were. So be very careful of this dream zone. Try to focus on the future and the fact that you saw and had it once, you'll see it again.

Please remember that Rules Girls are never bitter. We may get frustrated from time to time... but we are NOT bitter.

Once a Rules Girl, ALWAYS A Rules Girl

We're making a pact. Yes, me and you...

YOU ...........ME

you can be whichever one you want... I think i'm more of the one on the right...

Chant this with me three times while closing your eyes and nodding your head (while envisioning that you're in the tallest most wonderful girl tree house in the world), "Once a Rules Girl, ALWAYS A Rules Girl...Once a Rules Girl, ALWAYS A Rules Girl....Once a Rules Girl, ALWAYS A Rules Girl..."

Haven't you always wanted to have a group of girlfriends that hide out in the tree house and throw water balloons on the boy bullies down the street? Well here's your chance, you're a Rules Girl now.

You have a hottie bf? FAB! you're LOVIN' your hubby... FAB! Either/or/or none of the above... you're STILL either with us, or against us. No matter whether YOU are single or attached you could still be classified as either a Rules Girl... or the dreaded Non-Rules Girl.

Rules aren't about Rules, they're about the mindset and mindsets live forever. So do you have it?
Here's a little quiz to help you know if you have the mindset, and if you're with us... or against us.
1. Do you frequently feel bored and lonely?
2. You're ready to take life on, and live it...fabulously.
3. You put out on the first date.
4. You have plans, lots of interests, and friends.
5. Dating helps you get through the hard times.
6. You look forward to love, but understand that it comes... when it comes.
7. You don't like doing anything without your significant other.

If you answered more Yes' to the odd's... you're against us (uh oh). If you answered more Yes' to the evens... YOU ARE WITH US!!!

The Rules don't just end when you get attached. That's where a lot of dating downfalls originate. Girls didn't REALLY believe in the Rules for the mindset, they just though it'd help them get a man. It may have... but utilizing The Rules... helps you KEEP the man and have the healthy and heart happy relationships you desire.

GO RULES GIRLS GO RULES GIRLS GO! GO RULES GIRLS GO RULES GIRLS GO! GO RULES GIRLS GO RULES GIRLS GO! (idk if you were a cheerleader or not... but I wasn't but this is still fun to say)

Once a Rules Girl... Always a Rules Girl.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Friday, February 6, 2009

Standby Mode

What the!?!??!?!?!?!?
Guy Quote: "My roomate wanted to ask a girl out, but then he didn't feel like he could because he heard from a mutual friend that she's in standby mode (meaning she's taking a break from dating)... what does that mean, Rules Girl?"



You've got me pal... what the HECK is standby mode and what is the point of that? These are the explanations I can think of...
- I don't want to date whoever it is, so I'm conveniently "not dating right now"
- Recent and or hard break-up, struggling with trust and/or just need time (legit, but there comes a time when you have to push yourself)

Rules Girls don't go Standby. Standby is a cop-out... it's french for "hiding from life, emotion, and from pushing my boundaries". If you're hurt... GET OUT and push through it, if you don't want to date the guy JUST TELL HIM! Don't confuse them. It's mean. Rules Girls are NOT Mean Girls.

see. uhhhhh no. I would never be caught dead, seriously making that pose. lol.

XOXO
Rules Girl

Thursday, February 5, 2009

You're a stalker...eh, so am I.

Our ultimate stalking companion...



It's helpful to utilize stalking in your dating endeavors, crushes, likes, and even looking up their dreaded ex. But it can also cause more pain and anxiety than necessary. So here are some guidelines to keep you in line.

The Rules of Stalking:
1. You are not allowed to stalk his ex-gf on facebook, more than once a month.
2. NEVER tell them you're stalking them or their ex girlfriend... they'll think you're creepy (because let's get real, it is... however... we all do it.)
3. You can read all of his personal info, listen to the bands he likes blah blah blah, but don't pretend that those are things you like too... or even worse, change your profile info to match!
4. You wrote on his wall and he hasn't responded?? Ugh, hate that. HOWEVER - stalking is a great force that can be utilized to better understand his facebook usage habits, maybe he doesn't get on very often... so see if he's replied to anyone else and it will either make you feel better, or help you realize you need to move on.
5. Stop looking at his wall if there's 15 other girls writing on it, it will only cause you pain.
6. Stop trying to stalk all of the girls writing on his wall (you know you do it).
7. Just because a relationship status says single... doesn't always mean they're available. Moral of the story? Don't assume anything from a facebook profile page (however, it's a great way to weed out the crazies)
8. Don't look at his pictures over and over again. Once will do.

Use it to your advantage, but don't make it your disadvantage.

Happy Stalking!

XOXO
Rules Girl

ps. I know some Rules Girls have just given up stalking altogether, the rest of us... it will take time.

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So maybe I wasn't born to be a pretzel.


My first time at Yoga tonight was a struggle, but the instructor read a thought that sums up The Rules Girl... so I HAD to share it.

I Have Learned...

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual
ahead of their actions.

I've learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.
I've learned that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.

- Author Unknown
Read the whole poem at http://yogatothepeople.com/stories/learned.html

Being a rules girl, means we love hard, be confident, live... and try to bend like a pretzel, even though you weren't necessarily born to be one. Guys will see that in you, and they'll want it in their lives too. Be you, be great.

XOXO
Rules Girl
great posts to come, so stay tuned

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Dear Rules Girl - I hate this question

Dear Rules Girl,


Is there any good way to respond to someone who asks you why you're not dating? I mean, you can't say "Because I'm obviously frightening or unattractive to men" or "Because I attract creeps" or "Because nobody's figured out how amazing I am yet." So this leaves you with either "I'm really into my career right now" (obviously a lie), "I've decided to renounce men and join a convent" (funny, but bitter), or "Most guys aren't cool with the baby" (again, with the bitter). How do you respond to this question with some traces of sincerity--or at least dignity--especially when they're relative strangers and you don't feel that they need to know the details of your life?


Yours Snidely,

Sarcastic in Salt Lake


Dear Sarcastic in Salt Lake,


Maybe you should just hand the next person who says this to you, one of my business cards. Wow, it's a shame people don't think before they speak, but until they learn they should... I understand your pain. My grandma worries about me a lot in this regard. She always wishes "I could love a man". Little does she know, I'd love to, I just haven't found one yet. I mean, there are a lot of fish in the sea, and mark my words I'm not trying to catch the biggest, most glamorous and tasty fish, just one that fits the taste buds. (that's 2 fish posts in 2 days)

As a Rules Girl we know that life isn’t about dating. Life is our chance to grow and shine and live life to the fullest and it doesn’t work according to our schedule and timing. Knowing this we live with confidence that life will happen as it should, while we do our part, and do it well. This is hard to express to someone in one short sentence, but the best thing we can do … is to LIVE it. Understanding the importance of family and even love, we don’t settle just to fit in with a specific culture or society, we do what we feel is right, and not until that time.

I have to admit that when I respond to such questions, I can be somewhat brass and annoyed with those that don’t understand this too. However, the best way to respond is probably to either be funny and laugh it off or explain to them the purpose of life. Here are some suggestions from fellow Rules Girls.


1. “I don't know, I didn't notice"

2. "Kick them in the mouth and ask them why they don't lose 10 pounds"

3. "I don't know, you tell me" (but don't take their advice because they obviously don't know how to think before they speak)

4. " I tell them it's because I have a hairy back or a lip fungus...

cuts off the pressure."
5. "Depending on the source, but i would probably resort to something overly syrupy sweet and say some thing like -I'm just waiting for my prince charming to come sweep me off my feet"
but since that sort of directness usually comes from either a married or elderly person, the sarcasm is frequently lost and thus, the question is not handled well"
6.
"I reply, I don't know how you expect me to answer that question"


The overall consensus seems to be use comic relief, but honestly... this is probably one of the hardest questions of all. The answer I use is.... "I don't know, I guess nobody can keep up" then I smile and change the subject.

Find one tailored to you, that shows the person that you aren't avoiding marriage, or a hater... help them realize that the question was dumb, but not in a rude way :)

Does that help? Anyone have suggestions? Please comment or email therulesgirl@gmail.com

XOXO
Rules Girl






Male Ego - It's hungry, so feed it

Male Ego is real
so use it to your advantage

FACT. *The better you make someone feel, the more they'll like you.
So... do it. Make your man feel good about himself, and he'll automatically like you more. For example, if you think he looks good... tell him. If you think he's doing something great, tell him that too.

<--- see... hungry male ego... We should be doing this more in every relationship! It can help you with not only your man, but with everyone. However, once you start trying to do it, you'll realize how hard it can be. You may feel a little awkward or something at first, but it'll be worth your while, and make the relationships you have that much better. Some people aren't the type to express themselves in words... welp. I don't know what else to say other than 'maybe you should try it'.

WARNING.
Don't try too hard, because if you do... then instead of auto-like you, you'll experience auto-turn-off. NO SWOONING. ew.

XOXO
Rules Girl


ps. this doesn't necessarily mean he'll LOVE you, I just said like you more... the degree of his like... is merely up to the chemistry void


*looking out, looking in

**Male ego isn't necessarily negative

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Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Lingering too longering - Don't be a Burnt Stinky Fish

Most things overdone, are burnt. So don't burn them out. I see this far too often not only in dating relationships but between friends. So I'm saying this from one girl to another... don't have them get sick of you by hanging around them ALL THE TIME! Everyone needs alone time, space, guy-time.. and even time to miss you.

Benjamin Franklin said it well when he said "Fish and visitors stink after three days..."
I transpose this to hours. (three hours is even too long but plenty of time for a movie, however it's the concept that needs to be understood)

Don't be a BURNT STINKY FISH.

XOXO
Rules Girl

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Monday, February 2, 2009

Dear Rules Girl: Non-bf, but bff combo meal...

Dear Rules Girl,
I like having guys for friends but sometimes I get to the point where it's mostly just me and that one best friend guy spending all our time together, almost like a non-boyfriend. Is it appropriate for a rules girl to sport the "non-boyfriend" or is the fact that they're not formally asking me out a sign it isn't going anywhere and I should move on? Plus, I feel like the "non-boyfriend" usually scares off other date-able guys because they think there is really something more going on. What are your thoughts?

Sincerely,


Want's a REAL boyfriend

Dear Wants a REAL boyfriend,

I'm glad you brought this up. It covers two very important topics. The first "Friend to Friendlier" and the second, "Void Filling -Gone Wrong".

Friend to Friendlie
r - the hardest topic of all...
So let me ask, do you like this friend? If so, this isn't he best of situation for success. Whether he likes you or not he isn't doing anything about it.

If you want to move from Friend to Friendlier you really only have a few options:
1. Decide whether you want to like him or not and then do one or the other while acting on it a little to see what happens

2. Spend less time with him and find the balance
3. Talk to him about it ("We've been good friends for so long, but I just wonder why nothing has ever happened between us? What are your thoughts on that?")

you know him and I don't...so you decide. Sometimes the words "Just friends" can hurt liking nothing else.



Who says it better than the Jonas Brothers? (lol)

Having a *Guycessory/Non-BF (aka. Filling THE VOID the wrong way)
<----- Guycessory. You would THINK they were in love...
This isn't the best idea in the world, but I know how it is to just LOVE your guy besties. He's your fav and you love being around him. HOWEVER... these can be debilitating in the dating world. If people see you with him or them all the time, people may assume you love each other (which in fact could be true for one of you because this is often how guy besties are formed). All I'm saying is... make sure you balance it out. Spend time with your guycessory, love them, gchat, text, call them to death... but make sure you make face time with other people and separate from them when it comes to your weekend hang-outs. It's rough, believe me I've learned this so many times the hard way and I have tons of guy besties. But you MUST keep the balance.


XOXO
Rules Girl


*source: A to the P

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