Tuesday, September 29, 2009

MALE RESPONSE to "how to respond to mediochre dates?"

Dear Rules Girl,
In response to your post on "how to respond to mediocre dates":

From a guy's perspective, it's much better to be straight-forward with him. I compare it to ripping off a band-aid: if you do it quick and get it over with, it stings a little but for less time. If you let it drag out, then when you're finally forced to tell him with clarity, the sting will be worse, will last longer, and will be compounded by the fact that you could not be straight-forward him and wasted his time. If this is someone you will have to see again, the awkwardness will be less prolonged if you are clear and up front with him than if you let it drag out.

For a guy to ask a girl out often takes a lot of effort. It's not an easy thing. So, if you expect guys to ask you out, to be clear that they are asking you out (instead of just asking you to hang out when what they really mean is a date), or be clear with you when they like you (instead of just hoping you'll take a hint), then you need to be willing to put the breaks on and say "no" if that is what you mean. That's fair.

I really have to appreciate my sisters always told those guys to not waste their time and money (my younger sister ended up marrying one of those guys, but that's beside the point). There's no need to be mean or nasty, but PLEASE clearly say what you mean.

-- I've been that guy

Thanks for writing in!

Rules Girl


Blogger Trevor said...

Agreed :)

September 30, 2009 at 1:45:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Any suggestions on what to actually say? Especially to a "hey, why don't we hang out sometime"? Can you really just say "No, I don't really want to hang out with you again?"

October 1, 2009 at 9:35:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Guys need to learn to take a hint. For me, it's pretty obvious if a date went well. And a woman will always tell me "I had a great time", flirt abundantly and hint at another date if she likes me.

On the other hand, some guys just don't appreciate subtelty and, if you have trouble shaking him, you might want to be a bit more literal.

June 4, 2012 at 7:24:00 AM PDT  

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