Monday, June 22, 2009

It's Normal to feel like this - but just remember: Fall 7 times, Stand up 8

You found out he's already dating someone knew.
You found out he got back together with an ex.
You found out he's engaged.
You feel a little claustrophobic, some kind of weird anxiety, some heart break and a major kind of funk.

It's doesn't mean you want him back, or even that you still have feelings for him... it's just some kind of reminder of what was, what's changed...and maybe even sometimes, the reality of what's happening now.
Just because we're Rules Girls, doesn't mean we don't feel.
Although feeling is ultimately our own choice, it's not always an easy and instantaneous choice to make. Sometimes we think we have our feelings under control and then we surprise ourselves by exerting pain or emotion in some way we didn't even realize.
Sometimes we think we're using our heads, when really our emotions are ruling us because we didn't listen to them in the first place.
So my Rules Girls Advice on this one...
Instead of bottling up the emotion and lashing out, recognize the feeling and that it matters. THEN control and move on. Don't forget to feel entirely.
It's ok to feel the funk - you'll snap out of it.

It's like my fortune cookie ironically told me today, "Fall 7 times, stand up 8".

Rules Girl

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

A Case of... The Girlies

I was talking to my best guy-friend on the phone and of course we ended up talking about how weird girls are sometimes (no offense, I'm one too... but really we can be). And then he says, "Well I'm sure you get all girly too when you're dating someone and act that exact same way" WHAT!? ACK! I was appalled! But then 5 seconds later I realized it was probably true.
We all have guy friends that it's no biggie to chat and be ourselves withbut when it comes to being with the ones we have feelings for, we can get a little girly*(see below for definition).
Why?Because we get a little more hyper-sensitive.
When we're with our guypals, our guard is completley DOWN. We are not girly-ly-subconsciously-analyzing the words that come out of their mouth because honestly... we don't really care. But when it comes to the potentials, the ones we like, or even the ones we just aren't sure of yet... we have the tendency to be a little hyper-sensitive and even... GIRLY.
*What do I mean by girly? ( i'm not saying act like a boy. Still be feminine. I'm talking about the negative aspects of being too... MUCH.)
- Take things the wrong way
- Needy
- Whiney mcgee
-Demand too much attention
- Talk about stupid things
- Not know what you want, or admit it
-Get overly jealous
- BE INSECURE and ask for compliments
So what can we do to combat the hyper-sensitive girliness?
well, the girly thing obviously works out for us a lot of the time, but maybe just try to be more comfortable with ourselves. That's where the hyper-sensitive comes from anyway is the vulnerability involved...
So get comfy.
Rules Girl

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Rule #5,678,987: Don't talk too much

Sometimes as women we have the tendency to talk a little too much.
Yes, it's probably innate, but we have to try not to yap the poor guys hear off.
See what I mean by, innate?

This does not mean to hold back or be too quiet because that ruins things as well... it just means what it means.

Don't talk too much.

Rules Girl

Monday, June 15, 2009

Rules Girls don't write lengthy ridiculous-sappy-sob story-type post break up letters

I know we talked it out last night, but I just don't feel like you understand how I feel. If you did I think we would last. We could be together. Now that you're gone... I'm realizing I love you. More than you can understand Is there anyway to make this work? Blah blah blah blah blah I'm pathetic Blah blah blah blah blahBlah blah blah blah blahBlah blah blah blah blah I'm pathetic Blah blah blah blah blahBlah blah blah blah blahBlah blah blah blah blah.
ew. and that's not even that gets much worse.
Don't do it!
Even though you feel like you need to express yourself, please don't.
Ok, I admit. I've done it.
Yea, we got back together... but not until that letter wore off.
Most people DON'T even get back together...
EVERY TIME it looks pathetic.
no matter what.
If you have to drop off his stuff, or HAVE to communicate with him in some way. PLEASE keep it short. VERY short.
Good Example: Mike, I wish it didn't have to be this way. I'll miss you.
Write a poem, a song, write your feelings on a sticky note.
Do anything you have to do to keep yourself from writing the lengthy ridiculous-sappy-sob story-type post break up letter!

And don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.

Rules Girl

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Rules Girls are not Slooots

I used some lip plumper the other day. I didn't have a mirror so I'm a little nervous
this is what they ended up looking like.
Anyway - to the point...

You're being a SLOOOT*.
You're willing to make out with this chump(s) because you don't like being alone, it's nice to feel loved (even though they love the kissing not you), and you're feeling a little vulnerable and needy.
It's somewhat of an insecurity.
Not somewhat.
It's a down right insecurity.
Well guess what?
You're feeding it by putting out.
So keep in.
(keep in is the only opposite of putting out I could think of)
Do you recognize the cycle?
Feeling insecure ---> make out ----> he doesn't ACTUALLY like you, but he's a guy... so of course he'll kiss you ----> makes you feel even worse
and the cycle continues.

Don't do this to yourself.
break the cycle &
like yourself a little more.

Rules Girls likes themselves.
We keep in.
And we are NOT SLOOTS

Rules Girl

*slooot: Since we keep things PG on this blog, a slooot is the prude equivalent of a slut. Catch my drift? And yes 3 "o's" for dramatic affect and of course for pronounciation purposes.

ps. let's be real. I'm not talking a random smoochies here or there, I'm saying... it's a recognizable cycle. Be offended if you must. But if you are... then you're probably a slooot.

Monday, June 8, 2009

What a girl wants

Dear Rules Girl,
What DO girls want?
confused about this, like men in general

Please watch the first 15 seconds of this. HAHAHAHA

thank you for that B2K
So what DOES a girl want? Need?

I can understand the confusion.
It pretty much comes down to this.
it's a secret.
ok not really.
but come closer.
We wanna be loved.
We just want to be loved.
Show us you love us. The reason YOU get confused, is because every girl is different. Some like it through words, some through touch, some by gifts, (that doesn't mean expensive) and other by quality time, and feeling some protection of sorts. (sound familiar?) There is often a disconnect here because a man may show love one way, and the girl receives/sees love in another way. tricky tricky. Communication is key. let's be honest. Its the best way to find this out, and another way is to watch. When you do certain things how does she respond?

Once you figure that out.
You're golden.
I know, how UNhelpful.
Go Figure.
pun intended

Rules Girl

PS. if you've figured out how she needs love and she's still not satisfied... she's either nuts or ridiculous. So let her go and find a grateful one.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Rules Girls don't Compete.

This isn't the summer Olympics,
It's dating.
We don't compete no matter what it is...
We don't compete with their guy friends for their attention,
We let them play.
We don't compete with other girls for their love,
We let them love
who they love.
We won't force it, to be us.
If they want us...
they want us.
We don't compete for it...
try too hard
ask too much
expect the unreal.
We stay... us, ourselves, me.
If they want us.
They want us.

Don't be insecure.
have your own life too.
& If he ends up liking the other girl... let him go.
Let them have the friends they want.
Let them date the girls they want.
Don't change him.
Don't change you.

If you're looking for some healthy competition... play some softball, enter a cooking competition, or play some old school Nintendo.

Leave them be.
Don't compete.
Be wanted.

Rules Girl

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Been burned?

I've been there.
In a relationship.
A long one.
that ended.
it hurt.

I can still remember the daze I was in over it. Numb from dull pain. The only thing I could do to keep on going, was to continue to keep breathing.

It reminds me of this hill I ran in a relay once. 6.7 miles uphill. Oh man, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'll never forget how bad my legs burned and how tired I felt. It took discipline to continue on. I had to focus on something else, but it had to be something simple. Something continuous. I ended up focusing on my minute by minute breathing patterns because if I were to focus on the pain, I would've never made it to the end.
I had to keep reminding myself that it would be over when it was over and that I could not focus on WHEN it's over, or how long I have left, because that led me to focus on the pain.
But it wasn't about the pain.
I was running. So I began to focus on that.
To breathe.
The memory of that physical pain and the relationship I attribute to it, often feel like it will resonate with me forever. Maybe parts of it will, but for good reason. It teaches me how to love, how not to love, what the red flags are in relationships, and even that it all can be worth it. It taught me what I need to do to make it through the next time... or what to do to prevent feeling that way in the future. Or even, that building muscle hurts.
But the answer to not feeling burned again, is not to quit running. It's to get out there and run harder, to run faster, learn how to breath, what to eat, how to drink, the best form and so on.
The memory of the pain will fade, so it will never be worth it to quit running.
So how do you get up and go again after such a hard run, relationship, or unhappy ending?
You give yourself a good rest.
Then you buy yourself some new shoes and get out there. You set your mind to it because it's all in your head, your power. It takes discipline to focus on something other than the pain. It takes emotional strength to teach yourself how to love again. But you can do it.
Get out and run.

Rules Girl

Secret Heart

You're scared to admit it. To yourself. To them...
You like them... kinda - a lot.
But it's too scary.
to show someone them how much you care
to tell them how you feel
You can't do it.
It's just too much to risk, to put on the table.
You could get crushed.
Feist taught me all I know about this topic.

You even start to draw away from them in case the words accidentally come out
Well Secret Heart...Come out and share it. Let 'em in on your secret heart*.

One who has had a Secret Heart before too
Rules Girl

*disclaimer: this is not for everyone in every time and place. But how long has it been since you started feeling this way? mull over it.

Rule #42 Don't Date Mean Men

It may not seem like it, but he's not treating you very well.
Everyone knows but you, ya know. Well ok, maybe even you.
So, why are you sticking around?

You love him
You hate being alone
You love being "loved"

Sometimes we let our insecurities get the best of us and rule our relationship world. However - we have the power. WE are in control. We have the power to walk away from any relationship that does NOT make us feel good. It's our responsibility to treat ourselves as such.
Have the courage to do yourself a favor & get outta there.
it'll hurt...
but not for as long as it could if you stay.

Rules Girl

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Deal Breaker

A Conversation:

co-worker: I have a Deal Breaker for you.
me: what's do you mean a deal breaker?
co-worker: You know... a dating Deal Breaker. If I'm liking this girl, and then when it comes down to it... this is an issue... the deal is broken.
me: go on...
co-worker: I have to see her room.
me: eh? see if she has an n'sync poster?
co-worker: The cleanliness. If it's a complete mess. It can't happen. It's over.
me: ahhhh right-o. So like clothes on the floor or what? (for clarification)
co-worker: No, I'm talkin'... she's a mess... the apt is a reflection of her.

Is THIS your reflection?

Rule #3,209:
Rules Girls are ... CLEAN.

We don't want to break the 'deal' because we're slobs. We don't want slobs, so we won't be slobs... right? More than that, our apartment is a reflection of how we feel, the respect we show for ourselves and others and reveals our understanding of hygiene and home.

Be clean.
Rules Girl

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