Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Dear Rules Girl - I hate this question

Dear Rules Girl,

Is there any good way to respond to someone who asks you why you're not dating? I mean, you can't say "Because I'm obviously frightening or unattractive to men" or "Because I attract creeps" or "Because nobody's figured out how amazing I am yet." So this leaves you with either "I'm really into my career right now" (obviously a lie), "I've decided to renounce men and join a convent" (funny, but bitter), or "Most guys aren't cool with the baby" (again, with the bitter). How do you respond to this question with some traces of sincerity--or at least dignity--especially when they're relative strangers and you don't feel that they need to know the details of your life?

Yours Snidely,

Sarcastic in Salt Lake

Dear Sarcastic in Salt Lake,

Maybe you should just hand the next person who says this to you, one of my business cards. Wow, it's a shame people don't think before they speak, but until they learn they should... I understand your pain. My grandma worries about me a lot in this regard. She always wishes "I could love a man". Little does she know, I'd love to, I just haven't found one yet. I mean, there are a lot of fish in the sea, and mark my words I'm not trying to catch the biggest, most glamorous and tasty fish, just one that fits the taste buds. (that's 2 fish posts in 2 days)

As a Rules Girl we know that life isn’t about dating. Life is our chance to grow and shine and live life to the fullest and it doesn’t work according to our schedule and timing. Knowing this we live with confidence that life will happen as it should, while we do our part, and do it well. This is hard to express to someone in one short sentence, but the best thing we can do … is to LIVE it. Understanding the importance of family and even love, we don’t settle just to fit in with a specific culture or society, we do what we feel is right, and not until that time.

I have to admit that when I respond to such questions, I can be somewhat brass and annoyed with those that don’t understand this too. However, the best way to respond is probably to either be funny and laugh it off or explain to them the purpose of life. Here are some suggestions from fellow Rules Girls.

1. “I don't know, I didn't notice"

2. "Kick them in the mouth and ask them why they don't lose 10 pounds"

3. "I don't know, you tell me" (but don't take their advice because they obviously don't know how to think before they speak)

4. " I tell them it's because I have a hairy back or a lip fungus...

cuts off the pressure."
5. "Depending on the source, but i would probably resort to something overly syrupy sweet and say some thing like -I'm just waiting for my prince charming to come sweep me off my feet"
but since that sort of directness usually comes from either a married or elderly person, the sarcasm is frequently lost and thus, the question is not handled well"
"I reply, I don't know how you expect me to answer that question"

The overall consensus seems to be use comic relief, but honestly... this is probably one of the hardest questions of all. The answer I use is.... "I don't know, I guess nobody can keep up" then I smile and change the subject.

Find one tailored to you, that shows the person that you aren't avoiding marriage, or a hater... help them realize that the question was dumb, but not in a rude way :)

Does that help? Anyone have suggestions? Please comment or email

Rules Girl


Blogger Ashley said...

Depending on the person, I either say "Don't you think that is kind of a personal and rude question to ask? I do."


"Some women are willing to settle for just anyone, and some aren't. You are obviously one type and I am the other, better type who doesnt settle"

February 7, 2009 at 7:56:00 AM PST  

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