Monday, January 26, 2009

Smothered.


The Smothered topic comes up a lot, and needs to be brought to our attention WITHOUT us getting our feelings hurt. So before you read this say to yourself, my feelings are NOT hurt.

Some thoughts from guys:
"Don't puppy dog me to stay over till all hours of the night unless I want to."
"The thing I hate is when the girl just always expects that you will hang out
every night, and of course you want to because you like her, but you also like time to do your own thing. Even if it's just watching TV or reading."
"I just want time to process things and think on my own, even to get things done." "Once you get serious you start seeing each other more and more, because if you are going to marry them you want to know if you could see them everyday. It can be a test of 'make it, or break it' when you hang out a lot. Don't break it before the relationship even gets serious."

I'm the logical one from the outside, and you're the emotional one on the inside... so here's the Logic: It's actually really simple so don't over complicate things. Guys need time to themselves and it's NOT because they don't like you or because they're bored or annoyed, it is what it IS. They want some time to themselves. As you get more serious you will hang out more (obvs), but don't rush this. Having too much of anyone when you need time to yourself can break ANY relationship, no matter how much you love them... think about it. Even when you're married, you spend time doing your own things, so give them a little space every so often. Especially if he's the Mr. Wonderful we are all in relationships with, he's ambitious and busy too! We don't have to hang out EVERY DAY! Give them a day off!

In a Gender Differences class I learned something that helps me understand this better. *Guys are task oriented. They are not driven by relationships like girls are, but by subconscious or conscious check lists. Translation: They hang out with us because they know they need to in order to keep the relationship afloat and to show love (like). You have to remember we think and show love differently!!! It's not that they don't like you... they just like some time to themselves, that's why I suggest letting them initiate a little more of the contact.
A couple things to keep in mind:
1. Do NOT withdraw from your boy just because of this information... that was NOT the point. You can still open up, while backing off.
2. If your guy wants to spend less and less and less and less time with you... read the signs and ask him what's up. But if he just wants a couple days to himself a week, no freaking out until further notice.

So... instead of having your feelings hurt from this post, give the guy some space because you UNDERSTAND that he's trying his best too.

XOXO
Rules Girl

*Source: Looking Out Looking In

3 Comments:

Blogger Maria said...

Love this advice. It is so easy to fall into the habit of seeing each other constantly, but I personally think it is detrimental.

January 27, 2009 at 1:00:00 PM PST  
Blogger Hailey said...

I totally agree! Having a life besides HIS life makes us both attractive and fulfilled--both before & after we meet a HIM.

January 28, 2009 at 1:13:00 PM PST  
Blogger Chelsie said...

True. So true. It's hard to let that time go, but it's worth it in the long run.

January 29, 2009 at 6:59:00 AM PST  

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