Sunday, January 25, 2009

"I want someone opinionated, but open minded too..."

I asked my friend Quinn what girls should know, and here's what he said...
Scenario = First Date

Quinn: So what kind of music do you like?
Non-Rules Girl: Uhhh I like everything.
Quinn: Oh yeah? Cool. How about movies?
Non-Rules Girl: yea of course
Quinn: What's your favorite?
Non-Rules Girl: oh, how could I choose? I don't know... I can't think of any.
Quinn: Cool. So is there any kind of food you prefer, or should we just go to this restaurant I was thinking
Non-Rules Girl: I like all foods, the one you chose is fine.

Bored? Yea, Quinn and I are too. Quinn is wondering if he took out a girl... or a rock.

photo by A.P.
Along with having lives, Rules Girls have personalities, preferences and opinions. We aren't over the top with sharing them all the time (some more than others) but we know what we like and don't like.

Why and how do we fall into this trap:
A. You like the guy to take the lead, and you get so comfortable letting him lead that you sometimes dont' speak up.
B. You don't want to mess things up by having too different of an opinion of something serious.
C. You like most things.
D. Other

How to combat the above:
A. Just because you have an opinion doesn't mean you're the head cheeze. Just make sure you have a healthy balance of knowing what you want, and not being overbearing.
B. You most likely won't mess things up, just by having a different opinion. If you disagree on something too serious, wouldn't you want to know about it earlier than later anyway? At ease soldier.
C. You can like a lot of things, but have favorites as well. Figure out what those favorites are, and share them.
D. e-mail

How can a guy get to know you if you don't know what you want or like? Just be you. Only a few things will happen either way.
1. You won't go out again because you were too quiet
2. There was no chemistry
3. You had a lot in common.

So go get *opinionated. Try some foods, listen to some music... let yourself be knowable.

The Rules Girl

*disclaimer: I'm not saying you have to talk politics all the time, or bash anyone or thing... Don't shoot down things they say and don't be overbearing...just be you.



Blogger Garrett said...

Yes! This is so true! This reminds me of a situation I've been in multiple times on past dates. I have a couple of ideas on what to do or where to eat, but I want my date to have a good time so I ask her what she'd prefer. Too often I get the response "It doesn't matter," or worse, "I don't care." What am I supposed to take from that? I'd like to think that spending time with me is all that matters to her, so whatever we're doing doesn't matter as long as we're together. Maybe that's what she means. What she's actually saying is, "I don't care. It doesn't matter enough for me to tell you which I'd rather be doing."

Maybe that sounds ridiculous, but how does it sound when the shoe's on the other foot? My brother-in-law told me about when my sister was working on the details for their wedding. She often asked him his opinion on certain things that really mattered little to him. At first he told her just that, "It doesn't matter. Whatever you want." She didn't like that. So, he made it a point to give his opinion when it was asked. He noted that, although his opinion was rarely heeded, what was important to her was that he had an opinion and not what it was.

Having an opinion, or caring enough to make a choice when presented with alternatives, is important.

January 26, 2009 at 7:35:00 PM PST  

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